Octopussy

Octopussy

For Your Eyes Only was a divisive film in my group of friends - they found it tedious and frustrating, whereas I appreciated the return of a semi-realistic tone to the franchise and truly believe that just a few missteps derail it from being a great film (though they are pretty big missteps, to be fair).  Roger Moore's next film Octopussy ended up being even more divisive - only this time, it is my friends and me against pretty much the rest of the world!

A British secret service agent is murdered, dressed as a clown and carrying a fake faberge egg (basically a very fancy, jeweled egg).  It's all very peculiar, so James Bond is sent in to investigate. Of course, his sleuthing introduces him to a whole gaggle of villains, including exiled Afghan prince Kamal Khan (Louis Jourdan) and his right hand man Gobinda (Kabir Bedi), as well as a circus run by a mysterious and dangerous woman named Octopussy (Maud Adams).  Leaping from London to India to Germany, Bond has to discover why these villains need something as rare as a faberge egg and how that all connects to a renegade Russian general named Orlov (Steven Berkoff), who wants to ignite the Cold War into a hot one.

A lot of people point to Octopussy as an example of all that is wrong with the Roger Moore years. And they point to very specific things - silly gadgets (alligator submarine, anyone?), unbelievable action (that silly fight in the Indian market), and ridiculous jokes (there is a Tarzan yell that is frankly unforgivable).  Plus, Roger Moore is looking too old to be wooing such young women and throwing punches.  He looks more likely to throw his back out.

I can't defend against any of these points.  These specific moments are indeed bad, and Roger Moore is starting to look a bit long in the tooth.  But if are trying to find an example of over-the-top Bond shenanigans that go too far, then look no further than Moonraker.  After that space epic, the Bond films actually came back down to Earth and became more realistic.  Octopussy has these absurd and ridiculous moments, but they are only moments.  For the most part, this is more of a Cold War thriller that tonally is feels like it has more in common with Goldfinger and Thunderball than Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker.

There is a lot to like here.  The pre-credits scene is terrific. The villains - especially Jourdan and Berkoff, are chewing scenery like they were told they'd never get a chance to act again, and they are both very entertaining.  Roger Moore is looking a bit old, but I think he is still able to hold his own. As for the Bond girl, the producers were wise to cast Maud Adams (in her second Bond film after Man with the Golden Gun). Though 13-years younger than Moore, she exhibits a maturity and authority that makes her the perfect romantic partner for an aging super spy.  I actually think she is the best Bond girl of the entire Roger Moore run.

Also, John Barry makes a stunning return to the franchise and delivers another brilliant score.  The stunts are exciting, much of the humor actually is funny, and some of the gadgets are actually pretty cool (buzzsaw yoyo? Hell yes!).  Octopussy also presents what is easily one of the most tense moments of the Roger Moore run, when Bond has to get to diffuse a nuclear bomb in the circus. It's just a terrific scene.

I don't love Octopussy, but I think it is woefully underrated.  It's a worthy entry to the franchise and is way better than its reputation. I was pleased that my group of friends agreed.  We just don't get it. Why all the hate?

I think it must be that damn Tarzan yell.


RANKINGS:

This one is tough. There is a lot I don't like in Octopussy, but large portions of it work really quite well.  And it is hard for me to ignore the nostalgia factor, as much as I want to.  Octopussy was probably the first Bond film I saw, and it was on a constant rotation in my house growing up. Despite the fact that most people put it near the bottom, I'm putting it firmly in the middle.  The big question is which side of For Your Eyes Only should it be on?  When both films are good, I think Octopussy might be better. When both films are bad, well, they are equally bad.  So I think that gives Octopussy the slight edge - and yes, I know I just made a big deal about For Your Eyes Only having the potential to be Moore's best Bond film.  But the reality is I think Octopussy is just a little bit better.

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia With Love
3. Goldfinger
4. The Spy Who Loved Me
5. Dr. No
6. Octopussy
7. For Your Eyes Only
8. Live and Let Die
9. Man with the Golden Gun
10. Diamonds are Forever
11. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
12. Moonraker
13. You Only Live Twice


BEST LINE:
This is an easy one, even if it is just a one word line of dialogue. It's all in Louis Jourdan's seedy and scenery chewing delivery: "Octopussy."

TRIVIA:
1983 was the year that Kevin McClory was supposed to get his payback.  After decades of litigation, he finally got the rights to the James Bond story "Thunderball" which he had co-written with Ian Fleming in the 1950s.  He also won the rights to SPECTRE and Bond's arch nemesis Ernst Blofeld. And now he was finally going to get to work on producing his own Bond film - even if it was going to be technically a remake of 1965's Thunderball.  McClory even managed a huge coup when he convinced Sean Connery to return to the iconic role that had made him a star.  The new Bond film, called Never Say Never Again as a joke about Connery's refusal to play Bond ever again, was going to come out the same summer as Eon's Octopussy.  It was going to be a battle of the Bonds.  For Roger Moore and Sean Connery, who were good friends, it was a friendly competition.  But there was bad blood between Team McClory-Connery and Team Broccoli.  And I wouldn't be surprised if both sides were out for blood.

And sure enough, the allure of Sean Connery returning to the role made waves at the box office.  The film grossed $55 million in 1983, which is pretty impressive.  Of course, Octopussy grossed $67 million.  Sure, everyone knows that Connery is the best Bond, but let's never forget that when the two actors went head-to-head, Roger Moore won the fight!

MVP:
This one is tricky. Roger Moore is good as usual, though he is definitely starting to show his age. Maud Adams is terrific as the title character, and John Barry gave us his last truly great Bond score. But ultimately, I think the winner has to be the Acrostar - one of the coolest vehicles of the franchise, probably just behind the Aston Martin in Goldfinger and the Lotus in The Spy Who Loved Me.  The Acrostar is the tiny jet that Bond uses in the beginning of the film to take on the Cuban military. Super sleek and insanely fast, this mini jet is just amazingly cool.  I wanted one when I was 8...and I kinda still want one today.  It's just pretty damn awesome.

For Your Eyes Only

For Your Eyes Only

Albert Broccoli was a smart man.  As I've already mentioned, part of what enabled the Bond franchise to last as long as it did was its ability to adapt with the times.  So science fiction is the new fad?  No problem, let's send James Bond to a space station!!  But Broccoli was also smart enough to know when he had gone too far. Despite the fact that Moonraker had been one of the biggest blockbusters in franchise history, Broccoli knew that he couldn't go any bigger. You can't get much crazier than space.  So instead, he took a 180 turn and brought Bond back to Earth, literally and figuratively.  For Your Eyes Only is a smaller affair, more in tune with the tone of earlier films and Fleming's source novels.  Oh, there were still plenty of quips and silliness floating around the film (this was all happening under Roger Moore's watch, after all), but this is a remarkably simple film, with no gadgets, no huge special effects, and some really, really solid stunt work.  And after the insanity of Moonraker, it really is a breath of fresh air.

A British spy ship is sunk in the Mediterranean Sea, and it contains a secret encryption device called the ATAC.  When the British ask salvager Timothy Havelock is retrieve the ATAC, he is betrayed and brutally murdered.  James Bond is sent in to investigate Havelock's death and locate the ATAC before the enemy does - but who is the enemy?  Certainly there are some vicious henchmen on Bond's trail, including the quietly efficient Locque (Michael Gothard), blonde super man Kriegler (John Wyman) and blink-and-you'll-miss-him Claus (played by Game of Thrones badass Charles Dance).  But who is the real enemy?  Is it the KBG, once again led by General Gogol (Walter Gotell) or is it businessman and ice skating patron Kristatos (another Game of Thrones alum Julian Glover) or smuggler Milos Columbo (Topol)?

Out of all the Bond films, I have to admit this is the one most of my friends and I disagree on. They generally think it is just okay...probably better than the worst of the franchise, but certainly nothing to write home about.  And they have some good points.  First of all, the opening sequence of the film, featuring a deadly encounter with long-time enemy Blofeld, is possibly the worst beginning in the entire series, full of terrible puns, bad acting, non-sensical action, awful music, and just some truly bizarre head scratching moments (why does Blofeld offer to buy Bond a delicatessen?!).  We also have a subplot with a ditzy, underage ice skater Bibi (Lynn Holly-Johnson) who becomes obsessed with Bond and continually tries to sleep with him.  Thankfully, Bond is never even tempted or else this movie would have gotten really awkward really fast.  And while this relationship does give the film its best line, the whole subplot is uncomfortable and inappropriate.

I also have to point out the score by Bill Conti, which just confuses me.  Why Broccoli didn't turn back to John Barry just befuddles me, especially after his stunning work on Moonraker.  Perhaps he wanted something more hip and modern and cool.  But the poppy, synth work by Bill Conti (an Oscar winner for The Right Stuff) just dates the film and worse, hangs over its shoulders like a musical albatross. Whether fairly or not, For Your Eyes Only is doomed to never feel timeless, unlike other Bond films, even some inferior ones. It will always feel like an early 1980s film, and that is the fault of Bill Conti.  Let me cut to the chase.  The score for For Your Eyes Only is just awful, plain and simple.  It is easily the worst score of the entire franchise, possibly one of the worst scores of Conti's otherwise solid career, and just makes me want to jab a pencil into my ear.  Because that would be less painful than having to listen to this again.

It sounds like I have a lot to complain about.  And rightfully so.  But...but...damn it, despite all of this, For Your Eyes Only is actually pretty darn good.  This is an enjoyable and creative movie.  First of all, coming to this from Moonraker is like night and day. The plot is interesting. I like the villains. Carol Bouquet is a great Bond girl with an actual real storyline (she is trying to avenge the death of her father, the aforementioned Timothy Havelock). Roger Moore is at the peak of his abilities before he started to look too old. John Glen, the editor and second unit director of three earlier Bond films ascends to the director's chair this time around and brings fresh energy and much needed new blood to the proceedings - especially to the stunt work.  For Your Eyes Only has some of the most creative stunt work of the franchise.  Among some other crazy stunts, we have characters being dragged behind boats, a crazy ski chase down a bobsled course, and a harrowing climb up the Greek mountain, Meteora. It's all hugely impressive.  I mean, look at the picture.  Some poor stunt man had to climb that - and even fall off at one point!

In the end, what it all comes down to is this - what is not good about For Your Eyes Only are some details, while what is good about the film is its potential, what it could have been, and that is kind of exciting to see.  So let's take a second to rewrite the film.  Let's take out the ridiculous opening sequence and replace it what was originally supposed to be the opening sequence - the Havelock's murder.  Let's get rid of Bibi the ice skater, which cuts about 15 minutes of unnecessary padding from the film.  And for the love of all that is good in this world, replace Bill Conti's monstrosity with a new score by John Barry. And you know, with these small changes, you know what you get?  Possibly Roger Moore's best Bond film.  And that simple fact is why I disagree with my friends, and find For Your Eyes Only to be so fascinating.

Or it is possible that I was just so desperate for something halfway decent after Moonraker that I have inflated this film with artificial importance.  Who knows?  I'm not a psychiatrist!

RANKINGS:
So where does that put For Your Eyes Only in the rankings?  I would certainly put it in the top half, though it doesn't deserve to be with the real champs.  I'd probably put it right under Dr. No, and right above Live and Let Die.

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia With Love
3. Goldfinger
4. Spy Who Loved Me
5. Dr. No
6. For Your Eyes Only
7. Live and Let Die
8. Man with the Golden Gun
9. Diamonds are Forever
10. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
11. Moonraker
12. You Only Live Twice

BEST LINE:
James Bond to the underage Bibi: Yes, well, you get your clothes on and I'll buy you an ice cream.

TRIVIA:
So what was the point of the ridiculous beginning of this film?  It had been years since Blofeld had last menaced James Bond (in the over-the-top Diamonds are Forever).  Since then the character and SPECTRE had been caught up in a fierce legal battle with Kevin McClory who claimed he helped create the characters.  McClory had won the case and was now prepping his own James Bond film. Broccoli wanted to show McClory that James Bond didn't need SPECTRE to be awesome.  So he had put together this opening scene, which has nothing to do with the rest of movie and which exists solely as a way to ingloriously kill off the Blofeld character (while being careful to never mention him by name) in the stupidest manner possible.  The entire scene is only in the film as a big "F YOU!" to McClory. Which is a shame, because it all comes across as a bit petty.  It doesn't help that the scene is ridiculous.  Hands down, it's the worst scene in the movie.


MVP:
For Your Eyes Only might feature Roger Moore's best performance as Bond.  While he still quips his way through most of the film, he holds back from indulging too far in the silliness, and devoid of gadgets, he is left to his own devices and reminds us why Bond can be dangerous (I particularly like his takedown of Locque).  Moore was a good Bond, and an underrated one.  And he is the clear MVP of this film.

Moonraker

Moonraker

Damn it, James Bond, this is the second time you've done this to me.  In 1967, Eon Productions came out with Thunderball, one of the best of the series, only to follow it up with the ridiculous You Only Live Twice.  It took awhile for the series to fully recover, but they finally did with The Spy Who Loved Me, the best film of the Roger Moore era and another true highlight of the franchise.

The future looked bright.

And then that future gave us Moonraker.

The Spy Who Loved Me was a big hit, so Bond producer Cubby Broccoli decided to make pretty much the same movie...in space!  There is no denying the similarities between Moonraker and The Spy Who Loved Me.  Only instead of secret underwater lairs, we get to now visit the villain's secret space station.  And instead of Karl Stromberg stealing nuclear submarines as part of a nefarious plan to resettle the future of humanity on the ocean floor, we now have Hugo Drax stealing space shuttles as part of a nefarious plan to resettle the future of humanity in space.

What the hell, Bond?!  What. The. Hell.

So if you can't tell already, I really don't like this film.  It pretty much encapsulates everything people did not like about the Roger Moore era - bad puns, ridiculous gadgets, slapstick comedy.  Originally, Cubby Broccoli had wanted to make For Your Eyes Only, but the franchise's longevity has always been in large part because of its flexibility to adapt to the popular trends of the day.  Star Wars was the biggest hit of all time. Therefore, James Bond had to go to space and have a laser gun fight.  The strategy worked like a charm. Moonraker, inexplicably, was a monster hit, and made even more money than its better predecessor.

This movie is just a stinker.  I don't even know where to start.  How about with the fact that it makes no sense?  Hugo Drax is one of the wealthiest men alive and among his many business ventures is the design and construction of space shuttles.  If he has a space shuttle factory, why does he feel the need to steal space shuttles from the American government??  And why would James Bond suspect Drax of stealing the shuttles, which he automatically does without any evidence?  And when he visits Drax's mansion, why does Drax decide to just try and kill him for no reason?  The answer is "because this is what happens in James Bond movies" whether it makes sense or not.  More than any other film, Moonraker lines up the formula in a bullet point list and literally just checks the boxes without any sort of rhyme or reason or connective tissue.

It doesn't help that Hugo Drax is lame.  Lame, lame, lame.  He is easily one of the dumbest Bond villains, which is a shame because Michael Lonsdale is terrific actor.  We also have a bland Bond girl (the solid Lois Chiles is also wasted here), and the return of fan favorite Jaws.  Everything cool about Jaws is completely undone with this movie, where he is basically reduced to Wile E. Coyote. In the film's opening fight, the super villain ends up falling out of a plane without a parachute and flaps his arms like a bird, trying to stay afloat. Seriously. Jaws is just ridiculous in this movie, and it is no wonder the character never made a third appearance. 

Later, a gondola sprouts wheels and pops out of the water to drive across St. Mark's Square in Venice, and a pigeon does a double take. I'll say that again. A pigeon does a double take.

So do I like anything about Moonraker?  Well, I still like Roger Moore.  And I suppose there are moments that are good.  A horrific dog attack in the beginning of the film is effectively terrifying - even if the entire scene is undercut by the fact that the victim could have easily just gotten back into a car and driven away instead of running into the woods to get hunted in the first place. 

There is one thing I like a lot - John Barry's music. The Spy Who Loved Me sorely missed Barry's artistry, and the producers did not make that mistake this time around. Barry is back in full force, producing arguably the best score of the Roger Moore years.

I have to give credit to Moonraker for one other thing, and this is an important point.  The movie is like a gateway drug for the franchise. When we showed the Bond films to the young son of a friend, he was sort of ambivalent towards the Connery films.  He just wasn't old enough to enjoy them.  But Moonraker...now, Moonraker, he understood, and he loved every minute of it.  And when that stupid pigeon did that stupid double take, this kid started laughing so hard that he fell off the couch.  It was impossible not to enjoy the film a little bit when I could see it through his eyes.  And it reminded me that I liked the movie when I was his age, too. Moonraker probably contributed to my love of the franchise, even if I am trying to turn my back on it now.

So there you go.  This movie is a turd, but I guess I can't completely hate it.  Meh.


RANKINGS:

Technically, Moonraker is probably the worst Bond film so far, but I can't bring myself to put it at the bottom of the list.  Not after I saw it with that 8-year old.  It changed my perspective on the movie. Granted, it doesn't move it that far up the list, but it definitely keeps it from being at the complete bottom of the barrel.

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia With Love
3. Goldfinger
4. The Spy Who Loved Me
5. Dr. No
6. Live and Let Die
7. Man with the Golden Gun
8. Diamonds are Forever
9. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
10. Moonraker
11. You Only Live Twice

BEST LINE:

Minister of Defense: What's Bond doing?!
Q: I think he's attempting re-entry, sir.

TRIVIA:

Moonraker was the first film to feature the modern space shuttle.  In fact, the release of the film was going to coincide with NASA's first use of the shuttle.  But unfortunately, the launch was delayed for two years.

MVP:

This one is easy.  John Barry wins hands down.  It's not even a contest.  And despite the fact that Moonraker is horrible, it does have the most awe-inspiring musical moment of the franchise.  What I love about film is that it is multiple different arts all working in synch to create one single piece of art.  And there are rare moments in moviemaking when all of these elements merge so seamlessly, so perfectly, that is creates something truly sublime, sending chills down your spine.  This doesn't happen often.  John Williams has a few of these moments - the Map Room in Raiders of the Lost Ark and the final light saber duel in Return of the Jedi come to mind.  John Barry gives me one of those moments in Moonraker as the shuttle nears Drax's space station.  The score in this sequence is stunning, but then Barry ratchets it up another notch, cranking up the organ as the space station makes its first appearance, slowly appearing out of the blackness as the sun comes over the Earth.  It's a BEAUTIFUL shot, and Barry's score just rocks the moment. This moment is a masterpiece in film composing.  It's just the best moment of what is already a terrific score.  So Barry wins the MVP hands down.

The Spy Who Loved Me

The Spy Who Loved Me

Following the financial and critical drubbing of Man With the Golden Gun, the James Bond franchise was in dire straits. Many were calling for the franchise to call it a day. After all, nine films wasn't so bad a run, right?  Perhaps now was the time to get out.  Deeply in debt, one of the original partners Harry Saltzman did just that, selling his stake in the series and leaving Cubby Broccoli on his own.   Broccoli had a decision to make, and it is to his great credit that he stayed stubborn in his faith in the character. Instead of ending the series and salvaging what money he could, he doubled down and went out to make the biggest James Bond film ever.

The gamble worked.  The result was The Spy Who Loved Me and it ranks among the best of the franchise, and is easily the best film of the Roger Moore years.  For the director, Broccoli turned back to Lewis Gilbert, who had directed an earlier Bond smash hit, You Only Live Twice.  Personally, I don't think that was a particularly good movie, and I have to wonder if deep down Gilbert agreed.  Perhaps he realized the missed potential of the storyline and set about doing it the right way, because The Spy Who Loved Me has a lot of similarities. The plot is very similar - only this time instead of stealing space shuttles, the villains are stealing nuclear submarines.  The producers even wanted Blofeld back as the villain behind the nefarious plot; alas, that character and his organization SPECTRE were tied up in legal battles with Kevin McClory (see why in my Thunderball review), so instead of Blofeld we are given Karl Stromberg (who I personally think is a much stronger villain than Blofeld, anyway).

Nuclear submarines are disappearing out of the ocean.  Nobody knows what is happening, but both American and Soviet vessels have been targeted so the world's two super powers decide to work together to solve the mystery.  They order their top spies, England's James Bond and Russia's Anya Amasova (Agent Triple X) to work together. Unfortunately, the partnership is destined to be a bit of a rocky one since Bond had killed Amasova's Soviet assassin boyfriend in the film's intro.  Oops. Together, the two must take on Stromberg and his ultimate henchman, Jaws, a near invincible giant with metal teeth.

I'm not going to lie.  The Spy Who Loved Me has its share of problems, but for the most part, it's good.  It's very, very good.  After experimenting with Live and Let Die and Man with the Golden Gun, the production team finally finds the right way to use Roger Moore.  Every actor playing Bond has to walk that delicate balance between humor and danger, and The Spy Who Loved Me finds the formula that works best for Roger Moore.  He will save the day because of his deep sense of duty, but you get the sense that he would much rather charm the ladies or make a bad pun to taunt his enemies than actually throw a punch.  Which is not to say Moore's Bond isn't dangerous.  The ruthlessness with which he pushes one of Stromberg's henchmen off a roof in Cairo might be the most badass thing Moore did during his entire run as the character.  But this Bond doesn't seem to enjoy violence.  It's just a means to an end (which is usually in the lead Bond girl's bedroom!).  Most of the rest of the cast is also quite good, with acclaimed German actor Curd Jurgens starring as the admirably menacing megalomaniacal Stromberg and Richard Kiel's Jaws is a fan favorite for a reason, even if his metal teeth are a bit silly.  Even the crew of the American submarine is full of interesting faces and cool character actors (most of whom you would recognize from other films in the 1970s and 1980s).

The production design is also terrific, from the underwater car (the Lotus Esprit replacing the Aston Martin) to the super tanker to Stromberg's ocean headquarters - the Bond team, led once again by the legendary Ken Adam, really came through for Broccoli on this one, delivering spectacular work. I also have to mention the opening scene, which features an amazing cliff jump which ranks easily as the most famous Bond stunt ever - and possibly one of the most famous stunts in movie history.

All in all, Broccoli set out to make the biggest Bond film of all time, and he succeeded with flying colors.

So what's not to like?

Well, a couple of things.  Despite my earlier praise of the cast, I have to say that Barbara Bach is a bit of a weak link.  She isn't bad (and oh, there are some really bad Bond girls out there) and she certainly looks the part of a glamorous Russian spy, but her presence sort of flatlines whenever she has to speak any dialogue.  I don't know if the script or director let her down or if she was just really tired during the entire production, but she doesn't make the strong impression that a character as tough as Triple X should.

I am also a bit disappointed by the score, by Oscar-winning composer Marvin Hamlisch.  While his title song and love theme are quite good, he also felt the need to update Bond for the new era and litters disco tones throughout the soundtrack.  While not an abomination like Bill Conti's For Your Eyes Only, The Spy Who Loved Me just really disappoints and makes me miss John Barry - especially for a movie this good.  And the real shocker that The Spy Who Loved Me was the first Bond score to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Score!.  Huh?!?

The Spy Who Loved Me also foreshadows some of the silliness to come in future films.  We are far removed from the serious Bond of Dr. No and From Russia With Love.  Here, some of the humor is cartoonish, several puns don't work, and while the balance is struck well, it is clearly a sign of things to come - it is this childish humor that gives the Moore films such a bad reputation today (undeserved, I think).

All in all, this is a terrific film, and a great entry into the franchise.  Broccoli's gamble worked.

Shame he had to follow it up with Moonraker.

RANKINGS:

This is a tough one.  The Spy Who Loved Me earns its spot among the top films, but it is crowded up there with Connery's best.  I think I would put it in the #4 spot, after the Thunderball, From Russia With Love and Goldfinger set.

Here are how the rankings are coming together:

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia With Love
3. Goldfinger
4. The Spy Who Loved Me
5. Dr. No
6. Live and Let Die
7. Man with the Golden Gun
8. Diamonds Are Forever
9. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
10. You Only Live Twice


BEST LINE:

Again, it's all in the delivery.

Stromberg: Well, well, a British agent in love with a Russian agent.  Detente, indeed.


TRIVIA: 

As part of his "spare no expense" philosophy for this film, Cubby Broccoli hired esteemed director of photography Claude Renoir.  Renoir did great work on this film, but unfortunately his eyesight was failing him.  When it came time to work in the massive super tanker set, he was unable to light the film properly.  Desperate, production designer Ken Adam turned to one his best friends, legendary director Stanley Kubrick.  On the condition that his involvement would be kept absolutely secret Kubrick came to the set and supervised the look of those scenes, and the result is pretty remarkable.  The lighting, the use of symmetry...several of these scenes just have the look and feel of a Kubrick film.  That's a pretty cool bit of trivia, I think!  Also, Kubrick's stepdaughter Katherine created the metal dentures that Richard Kiel had to wear as Jaws.  So that's kinda neat, too.

MVP:

Ken Adam.  It's a no brainer.  Many thought he could not top his volcano set in You Only Live Twice, but Ken Adam did it twice in The Spy Who Loved Me.  First, Stromberg's ocean headquarters is a superb set - ranking as one of my favorite secret lairs ever.  And I have to go back to that sprawling super tanker set - the location of one of the most exciting climactic battles of the franchise as the escaped submarine crews and Bond try to defeat Stromberg's army and dismantle the nuclear weapons.  The battle is choreographed to take advantage of carefully placed levels, stairways, ramps, and little eccentricities that fill the set.  It's just a brilliant piece of work, and I actually think it's the best thing about the film. Ken Adam designed a lot of brilliant sets in his Bond career, but this one was the best.  And for that, he gets the MVP.

Man with the Golden Gun

Man with the Golden Gun

Man with the Golden Gun hurts.  That's probably the best way to put it.  Roger Moore's second outing as James Bond isn't awful (though there is a lot that is awful in it), but it should have been so much better.  There is so much potential here.  It could have - no, it should have been one of the great films of the franchise.  But unfortunately, it just doesn't come together.

That fact also makes Man with the Golden Gun a bit hard to review because so much of the film veers from good to bad and then back again (sometimes within the same scene).  This extends even to the plot.  Francisco Scaramanga is the world's greatest assassin, who uses a golden gun as his weapon of choice.  He charges $1 million a shot - which is all he ever needs to get the job done.  And it seems as if he has now set his sites on James Bond, sending a golden bullet to MI6 headquarters as a warning that he is targeting the British super spy.  Now Bond has to find out why before he is assassinated. That's an interesting plot, and not the type of story you ordinarily see in a Bond film.  Unfortunately, there is also a nonsense storyline about Scaramanga's solar powered super laser weapon that he plans to sell off to the highest bidder, a story device that is obviously shoehorned in because the studio wanted the villain's plan to be more grand while also taking advantage of the energy crisis impacting most of the world at that time.  The laser weapon is silly, and doesn't make any sense - Scaramanga is an isolated, refined man who does not like attention.  He prides himself on his secrecy.  So the fact that he is also a mad scientist who has created a laser weapon which he plans to very publicly auction off to the world's countries just doesn't make a lick of sense.

The film wastes a lot of time on this storyline - time that would have been better spent developing one of the major ideas of the film - that Bond and Scaramanga are two sides of the same coin.  A slight nudge in either direction, and you could easily believe that Bond and Scaramanga could be on the same side.  Bond is also the only man Scaramanga respects and perhaps even fears.  And this invigorates him; indeed the thought of competing against Bond is the only thing that breaks Scaramanga out of his quiet, stiff upper class stoicism.  It's a fascinating character dynamic...which sounds a whole lot more interesting in this paragraph than in the movie because the movie doesn't go there.   It certainly HINTS at it, and acknowledges it once with one short dialogue exchange at the end, but it never does anything with it.  Such potential wasted!

Unfortunately, the whole movie plays this way.  You have one of the very worst Bond girls in Britt Ekland's inept Miss Goodnight and one of the most intriguing in Maud Adams' Andrea.  You have some dark encounters (like Bond's separate interrogations of Scaramanga's arms dealer and Andrea) and some bizarre elements (like Scaramanga's flying car and fun-house death trap).  Bond films can be gritty and they can be absurd.  I don't think I've seen one that tries to mix the two like this, forcing the film into two tones that are completely at odds with each other.  So the movie as a whole just never really works.

I know this all sounds bad.  But I have to stress that there is a lot to like here, and it is definitely worth seeing because the elements that work are quite good.  Scaramanga and Bond's cat and mouse game is excellent, Andrea's storyline gives us one of the better twists of the entire franchise, and we even get a random and quite bad karate scene which is obviously in the movie to cash in on the martial arts craze sweeping theaters and doesn't make a lick of sense, but still manages to be entertaining at the same time.  And I of course need to mention the acting of Christopher Lee and Roger Moore, who play off each other really well.  Lee, who was a cousin of Ian Fleming, makes a superb Scaramanga. He is every bit Bond's equal and the fact that he is not James Bond's greatest enemy has nothing to do with Christopher Lee's performance and everything to do with bad storytelling!  

The movie also manages to do one other thing quite well.  Live and Let Die is a better film, but it can't survive the presence of Sheriff J.W. Pepper who drags the entire film down with him.  Well, J.W. Pepper was so inexplicably popular (WHY?!?!?!??!) that they brought him back for Man with the Golden Gun.  He is conveniently vacationing in Thailand and bumps into Bond during a car chase.  And once again he is the worst thing about the movie.  But Man with the Golden Gun pulls off the impossible; it survives his presence.

And that is pretty remarkable.


RANKINGS
It's interesting.  I put this film right up next to Live and Let Die, which is almost its polar opposite.  Live and Let Die, when you think about it, is pretty stupid, but it works for long stretches. Whereas Man with the Golden Gun should be so good, and just continues to let you down throughout the film's runtime.  But the film's potential and its good qualities are too intriguing for me put it too far down on the list.  I'd put it right in the middle, under Live and Let Die and above Diamonds are Forever.

So here are the rankings:

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia With Love
3. Goldfinger
4. Dr. No
5. Live and Let Die
6. Man with the Golden Gun
7. Diamonds are Forever
8. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
9. You Only Live Twice

BEST LINE: 

James Bond: I mean, sir, who would pay a million dollars to have me killed?
M: Jealous husbands!  Outraged chefs!  Humiliated tailors!  The list is endless!

TRIVIA: 
Man with the Golden Gun is important for another reason.  It was the last film co-produced by Harry Saltzman.  Saltzman and Broccoli's relationship had been souring over the course of the production and by the end of it, Saltzman (saddled with mounting debts) was forced to sell his stake in the franchise.  Among the many disagreements between Saltzman and Broccoli was whether or not to include a scene featuring an elephant stampede.  Broccoli and the production staff balked, but Saltzman continued looking into it.  He discovered in his research that elephants require a specific type of shoe for their feet when they are running on hard surfaces.

Months later, while filming in Thailand, Broccoli got a call that his 2,600 pairs of elephant shoes were ready (!!!).  Saltzman apparently ordered them, thinking he'd be able to convince everyone to include the scene.  When that didn't happen, I suppose he forgot to cancel the order.  Broccoli was incensed and refused to pay the shoemaker.  So far as I know, I don't think Eon has paid him back even to this day.


MVP:

I know you expect me to go with Christopher Lee.  And while Lee is terrific actor (and has won my MVP award in the past), he is not in serious contention for the award in Man with the Golden Gun.  Nope, the choice is really easy for this one.  I present you with this YouTube clip.  Be warned, you may want to consider watching this with no sound because the dialogue and corkscrew effect almost ruin what is...The. Greatest. Car. Stunt. Ever.

Yep, no special effects there.  That is a real car with a real driver in the first stunt ever conceived with a computer program.  The stunt team wasn't sure if it was even going to work.  They unbelievably got the stunt right on the first try.  When the director suggested they get a second take, the crew absolutely refused.

Shame about that damn corkscrew sound...still, that stunt gets my MVP!

Live and Let Die

Live and Let Die

With Diamonds are Forever a huge success at the box office, Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman must have felt the franchise was back on track.  But just like that - Sean Connery declined to return and the producers found themselves once again trying to recast the iconic role of James Bond.  I can imagine there must have been a lot of pressure to find the right person - after all, last time they had gone through this process they had ended up with Lazenby!  Luckily, this time they went for the right actor - Roger Moore, known to audiences at the time from the TV show, The Saint.

Roger Moore catches a lot of heat from people these days.  They point to the films under his watch as among the worst of the series, accusing them of being silly, indulgent and representative of everything bad about the franchise.  I think people just forget what decade we were in.  These were the funky 1970s.  I also think that people who don't like the absurdity of the Moore years conveniently forget that the run of self-referential craziness did not begin with Moore, but with Connery in Diamonds are Forever (some would even argue that it started with You Only Live Twice, but I disagree with that.  You Only Live Twice thinks its being awesome.  Diamonds are Forever is in on the joke and is laughing with you. There's a BIG difference).   Roger Moore's films were also always in on the joke, with the star continuously winking at the audience in between gunshots and martinis, and trusting that the audience was winking back.  And I would argue that Roger Moore was absolutely the right man for the job.

When George Lazenby left the role after On Her Majesty's Secret Service, he said that Bond had no place in the 1970s.  And to his credit, he was right.  The Bond of the 1960s - the last gasp of British superiority in the wake of their Empire's breakup - would have quickly become archaic in the new decade.  What Lazenby (and many critics of the day) did not expect is that Bond could adapt with the times, continually re-inventing himself - sure, the franchise would shamelessly take advantage of the hot topics and fashions of the day, and while that has dated some of the films, it has also contributed to the franchise's longevity.

The hot genre of the early 1970s was blaxploitation, and Live and Let Die jumps right into the pool, trying to cash in on the same vibe that brought Shaft and Superfly box office glory.  The film is full of the archetypes and cliches that fill blaxploitation films, including even a plot about drug trafficking - hardly a scheme that should merit the attention of a super spy who is used to battling megalomaniac super villains.  In Live and Let Die, Bond is going up against strange group of villains, including a voodoo dancer/assassin Baron Samedi (Geoffrey Holder) and drug dealer Kananga (Yaphet Kotto). Kotto also uses a tarot card reader Solitaire to help him identify and kill his enemies - given that this beautiful psychic is played by the radiant Jane Seymour, it's a sure thing that Bond will be interested in, uh, getting a psychic reading himself.

There is actually quite a lot to like in Live and Let Die.  The blaxploitation stuff is ridiculous and dated, but is also so bizarre that it is more funny than offensive (for example, the bad guys drive a "pimp-mobile").  Director Guy Hamilton (Goldfinger) is back in the director's chair and pushes the film along at a nice clip, with some marvelous set pieces - a terrific car chase with a shoddy old bus, an awesome way to dispose of poisonous snakes, and a scene where Bond is trapped on a small island surrounded by alligators.  The villains are acceptable, if not up to the standards of the Connery era (Red Grant, Oddjob, and Fiona Volpe will never be topped).  Most importantly, Eon Productions had now found a worthy replacement in the lead.  Roger Moore makes a great debut in the role.  He certainly was not as physical or dangerous as Connery, and perhaps he knew how to throw a punchline better than a punch, but that is exactly what is needed in this film.  And I also think the music merits a special mention - the title song was written by Paul McCartney, and it easily ranks as one of the series' best.

The movie certainly has its share of misses in the first 2/3 of the film, but it also hits just as much. Unfortunately, at the two-thirds mark, it all falls apart.  In the middle of what should be an exciting boat chase, we are introduced to the comic relief, actor Clifton James as Sherif J.W. Pepper - a character so annoying and ridiculous that he drags the entire film down with his bloated stupidity. That audiences enjoyed this character is beyond me, but apparently they did.  If anyone needs proof that drugs were too readily available during the 1970s - that's your proof.

Ultimately, Pepper is not in the film for that long, but the movie never recovers.  The rest of the film, featuring Bond's rescue of Solitaire and his final fight with Kananga, is kind of blah - it's almost like Pepper sucked all the energy out of the production, and the rest of the cast and crew are just going through the motions, trying to finish the film as quickly as possible so they can all go home and shower off the tainted odor Pepper has left on them.  Ugh, I hate that character so much.

So in the end, what can I say?  If you could only see one film in the Bond franchise, this would not be it.  It wouldn't even be close.  But there is a lot to enjoy about the film, featuring a rocking main song, one of the most beautiful Bond girls, and a worthy debut for Roger Moore.

RANKINGS:

This is a tough one. In a way, Live and Let Die and Diamonds are Forever have a lot in common. Both have many of the same problems and strengths.  But ultimately, I think Live and Let Die is a stronger film.  It has a more clear voice and handles the balance between the serious and absurd with much more grace.  They run close in the ratings, but I think I am going to tip the balance in Live and Let Die's favor.

So the rankings so like this:

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia With Love
3. Goldfinger
4. Dr. No
5. Live and Let Die
6. Diamonds are Forever
7. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
8. You Only Live Twice


BEST LINE:

Hamilton: Whose funeral is this? 
Old man: Yours.

What a fun scene!

TRIVIA:

Kananga was named after Ross Kananga who worked on the film to help with the alligator scenes.  He was the owner of the alligator farm used in one of the more memorable sequences in the movie (and that sign in the movie, "Warning: Trespassers will be eaten!" is really on his front gate).  He also performed the big stunt in the film when Bond jumps across the backs of the alligators to escape.  The producers liked Ross so much that they decided to rename the villain of the film in his honor.

MVP:

So this one is tough.  There are three serious contenders.  Do I go with Roger Moore who showed that someone else other than Connery could succeed at playing James Bond?

Or do I go with Jane Seymour? Because its Jane Seymour.  Solitaire, while she isn't the most assertive or tough Bond girl, is an interesting character.  And plus, she has that delectable English accent.  And it's Jane Seymour!  I mean, look at her!

But in the end, the winner isn't Moore or Seymour.  If there is one thing about this movie that truly elevates it, it's that main title song by Paul McCartney.  Apparently, the song was so expensive that it ate up the entire music budget, which is why there is no real film score.  John Barry was missed, though the instrumental variations on the title song admirably fill in.  The song "Live and Let Die" was a big hit, and was the first Bond song to be nominated for an Oscar (ultimately losing to "The Way We Were" by Marvin Hamlisch).  This song is amazing, and is the perfect piece of rock music to usher Bond into a new era.  It's the most memorable and badass thing about this film.  So it has to win the MVP.

Diamonds are Forever

Diamonds are Forever

Eon Productions was in a weird spot.  Even though its box office did not live up to the dizzying heights of the Connery era, On Her Majesty's Secret Service was still a success and producers Broccoli and Saltzman had planned to continue the series with George Lazenby as Bond.  But as the 1970s started, Lazenby thought the wind was heading in a different direction, and that Bond was an archaic, violent brute who had no place in the changing world.  So he gave up the role (which he has since admitted was not the best idea in the world).  And once again, Eon had to look for a new Bond. They considered Burt Reynolds (Deliverance), Adam West (the Batman TV show) and Michael Gambon (Dumbledore in the last few Harry Potter films), and even hired American John Gavin (Spartacus) at one point.  The studio, United Artists, was understandably uneasy.  Maybe the franchise really was becoming outdated. Maybe they had all taken it as far as it could reasonably go. To hedge their bets, they wanted Sean Connery back and applied pressure on Broccoli and Saltzman to get it done...no matter what the cost.

The news exploded like wildfire.  The original Bond was coming back to save the day.  But he didn't come cheap.  His salary was a then record 1.25 million pounds (most of which he donated to the Scottish International Educational Trust).  For a director, the producers turned to Guy Hamilton, who had guided the franchise to one of its greatest successes with Goldfinger.  But even with the return of Connery and Hamilton, the final result was a bit of a mixed bag.  Critics didn't seem to like Diamonds Are Forever all that much, and history has been even more unkind to it.  It is routinely ranked among the worst of the franchise, and easily as the worst under Connery's watch.  But is it really that bad?

I guess it depends on who you ask.  The plot is certainly a bit thin.  Bond goes undercover as a diamond smuggler, only to discover his nemesis Blofeld is using the diamonds to create another super laser weapon with which he will hold the world hostage (because super laser weapons obviously need diamonds to function properly).  But there are worse plots in the series, so that's not really worth complaining about.  I think critics didn't like Diamonds are Forever because it is so bizarre.  After the deadly serious ending of On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Eon seems to have gone too far in the other direction.  And make no mistake, the camp and absurdity of the Roger Moore era really pales in comparison to some of the shenanigans going on here.  And the fact that the franchise went from being a serious spy thriller in 1961 to featuring over-the-top moon buggy chases less than 10 years later must have driven critics crazy!

But I kinda dig it!  There is a bizarre charm to Diamonds are Forever that I appreciate.  But more on that in minute...

...because there are some really bad things about this film that it is only fair to mention.  Much of the humor is forced, the movie drags in some places, the gadgets are among the worst (a mousetrap gun holster?!?!), the climax of the film, a battle on an oil platform, is shockingly bad.  From the moment Bond arrives at the platform, walking across the ocean in a giant inflatable ball (you read that right), until the end credits, the film is almost unwatchable.  And how did SPECTRE, whose previous base was a volcano, for crying out loud, get reduced to hiding out on an oil rig??

I also realized something about the franchise - Blofeld is actually not a very good villain.  When he was mysterious and off-camera, he was menacing and terrifying, but as soon as they revealed him in You Only Live Twice, he ceased to be scary or even a worthy opponent for Bond.  Donald Pleasance and Telly Savalas were not very memorable in their takes on the role, and Charles Gray, who plays Blofeld here, is the worst, least threatening Blofeld of them all.  What a waste of a nemesis!

But there is also lot of good stuff in here, as well!  Connery returns and immediately erases all memories of Lazenby.  John Barry delivers yet another superb score, showing that he was not running short of ideas even seven movies in.  Bond girl Jill St. John does a fine job, though her character runs out of things to do fairly quickly.  There is an excellent car chase in a Vegas parking lot and an excellent, brutal fight in an elevator.  And a lot of the aforementioned weirdness just...works.  So, you may ask why I enjoy the camp in Diamonds are Forever and yet loathe You Only Live Twice.  The reason is one of intention - You Only Live Twice thought it was being just as cool as the other films in the franchise, whereas Diamonds are Forever knows exactly what it is: an over-the-top, absurd mess. Just look at the strangeness in this movie - strange henchmen/lovers, Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint, Blofeld running around in drag, Bambi and Thumper, swimming pool fight scenes, that moon buggy chase...a moon buggy chase?!  This is bizarre stuff and once I understood the strange nature of the roller coaster ride Hamilton put me on, I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.  Is Diamonds are Forever good? Maybe. But probably not.  But it certainly fun, and I think it deserves a second look.


RANKINGS:

So film history has decided that Diamonds are Forever should be near the bottom of the list, but I think it there is too much fun stuff to relegate it there.  It is certainly far below the Dr. No, From Russia with Love, Goldfinger and Thunderball.  But I'd certainly rank it higher than On Her Majesty's Secret Service and You Only Live Twice.  I think it will fall very comfortably in the middle.

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia with Love
3. Goldfinger
4. Dr. No
5. Diamonds are Forever
6. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
7. You Only Live Twice

MVP:

So this should show you how awesome Sean Connery is.  Diamonds are Forever is not even close to his best performance as Bond.  He is starting to look a bit old and uninterested.  There are scenes where I can just tell he doesn't want to be there (especially in the end).  And you know what?  It doesn't matter.  Because it's Sean Connery playing James Bond and he's just awesome at it, plain and simple.  He just elevates the movie, playing the comedy and the danger with equal panache.  It should tell you something that Connery is not even in peak form and he's still the best thing about the movie and the clear MVP!

BEST LINE:

James Bond: Weren't you a blonde when I came in?
Tiffany Case: Could be.
James Bond: I tend to notice little things like that - whether a girl is blonde or brunette.
Tiffany Case: Which do you prefer?
James Bond: Well, as long as the collar and cuffs match...

TRIVIA:

The original plot involved Auric Goldfinger's twin brother (also played by Gert Frobe) on a mission to avenge his brother's death.  That would have been...not good.