Moonraker

Moonraker

Damn it, James Bond, this is the second time you've done this to me.  In 1967, Eon Productions came out with Thunderball, one of the best of the series, only to follow it up with the ridiculous You Only Live Twice.  It took awhile for the series to fully recover, but they finally did with The Spy Who Loved Me, the best film of the Roger Moore era and another true highlight of the franchise.

The future looked bright.

And then that future gave us Moonraker.

The Spy Who Loved Me was a big hit, so Bond producer Cubby Broccoli decided to make pretty much the same movie...in space!  There is no denying the similarities between Moonraker and The Spy Who Loved Me.  Only instead of secret underwater lairs, we get to now visit the villain's secret space station.  And instead of Karl Stromberg stealing nuclear submarines as part of a nefarious plan to resettle the future of humanity on the ocean floor, we now have Hugo Drax stealing space shuttles as part of a nefarious plan to resettle the future of humanity in space.

What the hell, Bond?!  What. The. Hell.

So if you can't tell already, I really don't like this film.  It pretty much encapsulates everything people did not like about the Roger Moore era - bad puns, ridiculous gadgets, slapstick comedy.  Originally, Cubby Broccoli had wanted to make For Your Eyes Only, but the franchise's longevity has always been in large part because of its flexibility to adapt to the popular trends of the day.  Star Wars was the biggest hit of all time. Therefore, James Bond had to go to space and have a laser gun fight.  The strategy worked like a charm. Moonraker, inexplicably, was a monster hit, and made even more money than its better predecessor.

This movie is just a stinker.  I don't even know where to start.  How about with the fact that it makes no sense?  Hugo Drax is one of the wealthiest men alive and among his many business ventures is the design and construction of space shuttles.  If he has a space shuttle factory, why does he feel the need to steal space shuttles from the American government??  And why would James Bond suspect Drax of stealing the shuttles, which he automatically does without any evidence?  And when he visits Drax's mansion, why does Drax decide to just try and kill him for no reason?  The answer is "because this is what happens in James Bond movies" whether it makes sense or not.  More than any other film, Moonraker lines up the formula in a bullet point list and literally just checks the boxes without any sort of rhyme or reason or connective tissue.

It doesn't help that Hugo Drax is lame.  Lame, lame, lame.  He is easily one of the dumbest Bond villains, which is a shame because Michael Lonsdale is terrific actor.  We also have a bland Bond girl (the solid Lois Chiles is also wasted here), and the return of fan favorite Jaws.  Everything cool about Jaws is completely undone with this movie, where he is basically reduced to Wile E. Coyote. In the film's opening fight, the super villain ends up falling out of a plane without a parachute and flaps his arms like a bird, trying to stay afloat. Seriously. Jaws is just ridiculous in this movie, and it is no wonder the character never made a third appearance. 

Later, a gondola sprouts wheels and pops out of the water to drive across St. Mark's Square in Venice, and a pigeon does a double take. I'll say that again. A pigeon does a double take.

So do I like anything about Moonraker?  Well, I still like Roger Moore.  And I suppose there are moments that are good.  A horrific dog attack in the beginning of the film is effectively terrifying - even if the entire scene is undercut by the fact that the victim could have easily just gotten back into a car and driven away instead of running into the woods to get hunted in the first place. 

There is one thing I like a lot - John Barry's music. The Spy Who Loved Me sorely missed Barry's artistry, and the producers did not make that mistake this time around. Barry is back in full force, producing arguably the best score of the Roger Moore years.

I have to give credit to Moonraker for one other thing, and this is an important point.  The movie is like a gateway drug for the franchise. When we showed the Bond films to the young son of a friend, he was sort of ambivalent towards the Connery films.  He just wasn't old enough to enjoy them.  But Moonraker...now, Moonraker, he understood, and he loved every minute of it.  And when that stupid pigeon did that stupid double take, this kid started laughing so hard that he fell off the couch.  It was impossible not to enjoy the film a little bit when I could see it through his eyes.  And it reminded me that I liked the movie when I was his age, too. Moonraker probably contributed to my love of the franchise, even if I am trying to turn my back on it now.

So there you go.  This movie is a turd, but I guess I can't completely hate it.  Meh.


RANKINGS:

Technically, Moonraker is probably the worst Bond film so far, but I can't bring myself to put it at the bottom of the list.  Not after I saw it with that 8-year old.  It changed my perspective on the movie. Granted, it doesn't move it that far up the list, but it definitely keeps it from being at the complete bottom of the barrel.

1. Thunderball
2. From Russia With Love
3. Goldfinger
4. The Spy Who Loved Me
5. Dr. No
6. Live and Let Die
7. Man with the Golden Gun
8. Diamonds are Forever
9. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
10. Moonraker
11. You Only Live Twice

BEST LINE:

Minister of Defense: What's Bond doing?!
Q: I think he's attempting re-entry, sir.

TRIVIA:

Moonraker was the first film to feature the modern space shuttle.  In fact, the release of the film was going to coincide with NASA's first use of the shuttle.  But unfortunately, the launch was delayed for two years.

MVP:

This one is easy.  John Barry wins hands down.  It's not even a contest.  And despite the fact that Moonraker is horrible, it does have the most awe-inspiring musical moment of the franchise.  What I love about film is that it is multiple different arts all working in synch to create one single piece of art.  And there are rare moments in moviemaking when all of these elements merge so seamlessly, so perfectly, that is creates something truly sublime, sending chills down your spine.  This doesn't happen often.  John Williams has a few of these moments - the Map Room in Raiders of the Lost Ark and the final light saber duel in Return of the Jedi come to mind.  John Barry gives me one of those moments in Moonraker as the shuttle nears Drax's space station.  The score in this sequence is stunning, but then Barry ratchets it up another notch, cranking up the organ as the space station makes its first appearance, slowly appearing out of the blackness as the sun comes over the Earth.  It's a BEAUTIFUL shot, and Barry's score just rocks the moment. This moment is a masterpiece in film composing.  It's just the best moment of what is already a terrific score.  So Barry wins the MVP hands down.