The Sandpiper isn't very good. It's reputation is pretty awful and was seen as a cash grab by the studio to get Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor in another movie during the height of their fame and notoriety. Even Burton and Taylor admited it wasn't very good. So why did I watch it? Well, I took one look at the cast and crew and thought, could it really be that bad? Taylor is hit or miss with me, but I do like Burton. The cast included Charles Bronson (Death Wish) and Eva Marie Saint (North by Northwest). The director was Oscar-winning Vincente Minnelli (Gigi) and the script was written by two superb screenwriters, Dalton Trumbo (Spartacus) and Michael Wilson (The Bridge of River Kwai). Plus, the movie had a small role for Peter O'Toole, who is one of my favorite actors. With all that talent involved, I wondered could The Sandpiper really be that bad?
Yep. It sure is.
So Elizabeth Taylor is Laura Reynolds, a free spirit, sort of a hippy painter who is broke, but can still afford to live in a sweet pad by the beach. Her son is a bit of an odd duck and gets in trouble with the law. Over her objections, the local judge forces him to be enrolled in a Boys School which is run by a Protestant priest, Dr. Edward Hewitt (Burton) and his wife, the patient and understanding Claire (Saint). Well, despite the fact that they have nothing in common and have almost no chemistry (strange considering the actors' passionate off-screen life), Hewitt and Reynolds start an affair. And...well, not much happens. Everyone just talks about stuff, we follow the obvious motions of the affair being discovered and its aftermath and then the movie just kinda ends. The storyline is a bit odd, without the usual ebb and flow that a standard narrative should have. The movie doesn't even really have a climax. It just ambles along in the same meandering pace all the way through and then the credits roll. I guess that is my way of saying the movie is boring. If that wasn't clear, allow me to reiterate: THIS MOVIE IS SO BORING!!!
It's not even that there is anything wrong with the movie, per se. It's just dull. For a wild and free spirit, Laura Reynolds is pretty dull. Oh, they try to liven her up by giving her some speeches about the women's lib movement, but they are all sleep inducing. Her love scenes with Burton, when she is forced to say brilliant lines like, 'is this love...is this what married people feel?" aren't any better. Eek. Burton does what he can, but he even has trouble. Minnelli doesn't have a handle on the direction, and I don't know what Trumbo and Wilson were thinking when they put pen to paper. This is just a bad and dull movie.
And I can't help but think that it must have been uncomfortable to make. Taylor and Burton were the Brangelina of their day...even bigger, actually. After all, the Taylor-Burton affair was so notorious that the Vatican condemned them and there was a (unsuccessful) motion in Congress to stop such immoral people from returning to the United States. So why would Burton make a film about a character who cheats on his patient and awesome wife when that is pretty much what he did in real life to his wife Sybil? I don't think Elizabeth Taylor would have cared. She got her man, after all. But Burton was racked with guilt in real life, at least in the beginning before the divorce proceedings were finalized. Why would he make this movie? Was this some sort of penance for him?
Anyway, that leads me to one other thing. Where the hell was Peter O'Toole!!? He was supposedly in the beach party scene, which I watched five times and can't find him. And that was enough for IMDB to list him in the cast? And if you look at most movie books or in the TV Guide, you will see O'Toole gets third billing after Taylor and Burton. What?!?!?! Maybe he should get MVP just because he had the good sense to not show his face in this piece of crap.
BEST LINE:
Well, here's an amusing way to take the fun out of graffiti...here's Dr. Hewitt chastising two students...
Dr. Hewitt: Our English tongue has a long history and I am pleased with your interest in its oldest and most...ardent words. I think it sad, however, that these ancient words should be degraded to a position on lavatory walls. You will scrub the walls down, of course, and then you will learn the equivalent words in German, French and Latin, after which you will decline each noun and congregate each verb in all tenses, including the subjunctive.
MVP:
I am going to go with Robert Webber, a former lover of Laura's who just happens to be a member of the school board. He is a confidant, dapper, egotistical, and the only interesting character in the movie. He definitely subscribes to "The Guy Code" and doesn't reveal the affair, but isn't above trying to get in on the action himself. That's just dirty. But his bravado is way more interesting to watch then everything else going on. He seems to be an early role model for Don Draper...I wonder if the Mad Men producers watched this movie when they were developing that show...
TRIVIA:
An unknown Raquel Welch doubled for Elizabeth Taylor for some of the beach scenes.
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