A View to a Kill
In 1983, Albert Broccoli found himself up against the fierce competition of a rival Bond film called Never Say Never Again, starring the greatest James Bond of them all: Sean Connery. The news changed the way Broccoli's production company Eon approached their next film in the Bond franchise, evocatively entitled Octopussy. Originally Broccoli was going to go with a new actor, most likely the American actor James Brolin, but now they couldn't take any chances. They needed to ward off this new threat. They needed a sure thing. They needed the reliable Roger Moore to come back for one more film. And even though he was a bit old for the part at age 56, Moore agreed to return for a final hoorah.
Though it has its problems, Octopussy proved to be a big hit, and outperformed Never Say Never Again. And overall, for Roger Moore, this was not a bad film to go out on. After 11 years and 6 films, Moore could now retire from the role on an all time high (coincidentally the main song for the movie). He was even given one of the great iconic Bond moments during the film's climax, when he slides down a palace bannister with a machine gun, mowing down down the bad guys. It's a fun moment. Check it out!
What a great way to start to retirement!
Except...that's not what happened.
Instead A View to a Kill happened.
Oh, dear heavens, the horror. The horror.
What can I say about A View to a Kill?
The movie begins in Siberia, where Bond is searching for the corpse of a fellow agent 003. But more important than 003 is a Soviet microchip he had stolen just before his death. After recovering the chip, Bond is attacked by the Russians. Bond quickly captures a snowmobile and when that is damaged, he takes off the front ski and uses it as a snowboard...he proceeds to surf down the mountain as the music switches to a cover of The Beach Boys' "California Girls." After a number of slapstick stunts to evade his pursuers, Bond makes it to his iceberg submarine where a nubile fellow agent is waiting to sleep with him.
Sound bad? That's only the first six minutes.
The film just gets worse from there. Bond's snooping eventually leads him to Max Zorin (Christopher Walken), a billionaire industrialist psychopath/Nazi experiment gone wrong, who is interested in breeding race horses and blowing up Silicon Valley. On Zorin's side, we have his super strong bodyguard May Day (a towering Grace Jones) and silly cartoon German scientist Dr. Mortner (Willoughby Gray), who helps him with his genetic experiments. On Bond's side, we have Sir Godfrey (Patrick McNee), a horse breeding expert, and state geologist Stacey Sutton (Tanya Roberts).
The less said about the plot, the better. Just know that we are treated to a long and mind numbingly dull sequence where Bond and Sir Godfrey infiltrate Zorin's race horse breeding event. Then it's time for a slapstick car chase on a firetruck and a building fire where Stacey Sutton's shrill screams will make your ears bleed. Oh, and let's not forget the thrilling action scene at Sutton's house. After 23 years of fights in locations as intriguing or exotic as the Orient Express, an ancient Greek monastery, an Indian palace, Fort Knox, and a secret volcano base, we are now treated to an extended fight scene in a big, empty room. Really?! Come on, guys, you're better than this.
Almost no one comes through this mess unscathed, not even Roger Moore. His performance is as assured as always, but he is just too old, plain and simple. He looks out of shape, it appears as if he's had some strange plastic surgery, and his eyebrows look long enough to hang Christmas ornaments from. He just isn't believable any more in the action scenes and even less so in the love scenes. It's incredible what a difference only 2 years can make, since he was fine in Octopussy. Even Roger Moore knew he was too old for the part and said so in his autobiography. He was shocked when he found out he was old enough to be Tanya Robert's grandfather. That was when he knew he had to really retire. But it's not just Moore who suffers in the film. Tanya Roberts, while easy on the eyes, is bland and monotone. Christopher Walken overacts and is just trying too hard. He's Christopher Walken, for crying out loud. He's already awesome and weird as it is. He doesn't have to try so hard! John Glen's normally assured direction is slow moving, and even the always reliable John Barry sounds to be on auto pilot. What a disappointment!
So is A View to a Kill all bad? No, it has moments. Grace Jones and Patrick McNee are fine; the former isn't required to do much but stare angrily at people and she does so convincingly. And Patrick McNee is just as charming as he was in The Avengers TV show. He also has a fun chemistry with Roger Moore which gives us the only truly amusing parts of the movie. There is also a sequence in a flooded mine near the end of the film that is generally horrific. And lastly, while John Barry misses the ball with his score, he did co-write one of the better Bond songs. The title song by Duran Duran is pretty awesome!
But that's it. This movie stinks. I'm done.
RANKINGS:
I remember in my earlier Bond reviews, I was explaining why I disliked On Her Majesty's Secret Service and You Only Live Twice for very different reasons. And in terms of ranking the films, I had to decide whether boring or ridiculous was the worse sin.
Well, A View to a Kill is both. And it's going straight to the bottom of the list. No further debate needed.
1. Thunderball
2. From Russia with Love
3. Goldfinger
4. The Spy Who Loved Me
5. Dr. No
6. Octopussy
7. For Your Eyes Only
8. Live and Let Die
9. Man with the Golden Gun
10. Diamonds are Forever
11. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
12. Moonraker
13. You Only Live Twice
14. A View to a Kill
BEST LINE:
Here is a line that is so bad, it's good. It's Christopher Walken at his most Walken-y.
Max Zorin: More! More power!
TRIVIA:
Here's a cool little fact. A View to a Kill was Dolph Lundgren's first movie. He was only in the film by accident. He was dating Grace Jones at the time, and he was visiting the set. Director John Glen needed a KGB bodyguard at the last minute and Lundgren happened to be in the right place at the right time. He has all of maybe 5 seconds of screen time and no dialogue. Can you imagine that in just a few months this guy would be killing Apollo Creed in the ring and taking on Rocky in a showdown for the ages?!?!?!?
MVP:
Though I am tempted to give the MVP to Dolph Lundgren, that would be petty. Especially since there is a clear quality MVP winner here. After four films featuring love songs and ballads, Bond is finally able to rock out again. The title song by Duran Duran is a great addition to the canon and is easily in the Top Five Bond Songs. The song is more dynamic and exciting than anything in the film. This is an easy MVP pick. And I think most of the world would agree!
