Shaolin Soccer

Shaolin Soccer

Sometimes a movie comes along out of nowhere and just sweeps me off my feet. That is what happened in 2001 when I first saw Shaolin Soccer, a movie that is equal parts bizarre, random, hilarious, and brilliant. Having just watching this movie again last week, I am happy to report that it is still just as bizarre, random, hilarious, and brilliant!

Mighty Steel Leg Sing (played by Chow) is a poor trash collector, but an enthusiastic martial artist with one helluva kick. His dream is to teach the world the benefits of Shaolin and he has been looking for the right platform all his life. After several failed attempts (including a disastrous attempt to wed Shaolin with showtunes), Sing decides that playing soccer is the best showcase for exhibiting his Kung Fu prowess. He gathers his old classmates from the Shaolin temple - Iron Shirt (Kai Man Tin), Iron Head (Yut Fei Wong), Light Weight (Chi Chung Lam), Lightning Hands (Kwok-Khan Chan), and Hooking Leg (Chi Ling Chiu). Along with their coach, former player and now hobo Golden Leg Fung (Man Tat Ng), the Shaolin team enters the soccer competition.

Wow, what a gloriously crazy film. This movie really does have everything. Great fights, good laughs, a slight undercurrent of class struggles in modern day Hong Kong (I'm serious!), a funny romantic interest in steamed bunmaker Mui (Wei Zhao), and fantastic bad guys - the opposing soccer team, The Evil Team. You know they are evil because they are actually called The Evil Team, use American steroids and literally emanate evil from their bodies. The final game between The Evil Team and the Shaolin Team is probably the most epic sports battle in history.

Some people may not like the movie as much as I do. It does take its time to get the plot moving, though I appreciate the pace since I get to know the insane characters better. Other people may not appreciate the broad humor. And I feel sorry for those people.  Shaolin Soccer is my 'happy movie.' There are movies I like more, I own movies that are better made, but I don't think any film makes me as happy as this one. See it. 

MVP: The triple threat - writer, director and star Stephen Chow (who also made Kung Fu Hustle) is a mad genius. Chow excels at all his positions - the movie brims with energetic creativity in its script, directing and central performance. I particularly like that Chow's character Sing isn't perfect, even though he is so pure-hearted. His enthusiasm hurts a lot of people, literally. Just look at how he beats up the nice Puma salesman because he is so excited to be getting new shoes! It's a great performance in a great movie.

BEST LINE: Every time I see it, I have a new favorite line. My current favorite is...

Upon entering the stadium for the first time, well before the game begins -

Sing: "Thank you! Thank you, audience, for your support! Thank you!"
Iron Head: "That is only the cleaning staff."
Sing (slapping him): "Cleaning staff is audience, too."


TRIVIA: In the Italian version of the film, all the main characters were dubbed by professional soccer players.

Love and Other Drugs

Love and Other Drugs

Based on the trailers and marketing, Love and Other Drugs really seemed like your typical romantic comedy. What we were supposedly watching is a movie about a charming, but kind of soulless pharmaceutical rep Jamie Randall (Jake Gyllenhaal) who meets a free spirit and feisty young artist type Maggie Murdock (Anne Hathaway). They fall in love, she teaches him how to really feel something, there's a fight, then there's a mopey montage, and well, we all know the formula by now.

While that is the general flow of the movie, it is not what the movie is about. I don't care if some people consider this a spoiler - I think it is important to know - Maggie has Stage 1 Parkinson's Disease, and that illness colors every single decision made in the movie. The maturity with which this topic is tackled is impressive, and it changes the movie. Suddenly, Jamie's decision doesn't just come down to whether or not he can find the maturity to have a real relationship; the decision now is does he have what it takes to also take care of someone else who someday won't be able to take care of herself? Love and Other Drugs takes this topic head-on and handles it gracefully and refuses for the most part to get overly sentimental (well, for the most part).

The movie is aided immensely by good performances from both Gyllenhaal and Hathaway, both of whom do a good job of building three-dimensional characters. These aren't Hollywood archetypes; they're people who have both good and bad qualities. The supporting cast, including Hank Azaria, Oliver Platt, and Judy Greer also put in some terrific work.

Pity then that the movie is almost destroyed by Jamie's younger brother Josh (Josh Gad), a multi-millionaire slob who walked in from a gross-out rated-R comedy. It's not that Gad delivers a bad performance; it's that his character does not belong in here. He is such a cartoon character, yelling profanities all the time, groping every woman he can, proudly proclaiming his addiction to internet porn, and indulging in all sorts of other ridiculous antics that don't belong in this movie. Maybe director/producer Edward Zwick (Last Samurai) felt like he needed some comic relief. I don't know why. Gyllenhaal and Hathaway's charms provide more than enough chuckles. But Josh is a ridiculous caricature; whenever he makes an appearance the movie veers into over-the-top Hangover territory that threatens to undermine the entire film.

Some people won't like this movie, whether it is because of the well-trodden central narrative or because of Josh, but I think if you can block that out, you will enjoy yourself. It's a good movie and deeper than you would think. It could have been great if the filmmakers had just had the courage to stick with Gyllenhaal and Hathaway and leave the crazy comedy alone.

MVP: Gyllenhaal is good, but this is Hathaway's movie, hands down. Not only does she do a good job with the physical toll Parkinson's can take even in its early stages, but she telegraphs the emotional toll it takes, as well. Yes, she is defensive and maybe overly sensitive at times. But the way she plays it, you can't blame her. She is also very fun and witty, and it is easy to see why Jamie would fall for her. Just look at the way she smiles so broadly and genuinely at Jamie and then the second he looks away, her smile fades as the reality of the situation hits her. She's not faking the smile. That would be too easy. She is really at the happiest and worst moment of her life simultaneously, and Hathaway embodies those complexities beautifully. It's a great performance.

TRIVIA: When designing the sex scenes (of which there are many), Zwick asked his leads to watch the famous romantic comedies or sexually themed films, including everything from
9 Songs to Last Tango in Paris to 1959's Pillow Talk. They discussed what they liked most about the movies' romantic scenes and Zwick tried to incorporate these moments.

BEST LINE: Jamie: "Hey Lisa." Bruce: "Her name's not Lisa." Jamie: "I know. But if every time I say "hey Lisa," she'll think I dated a girl who looked just like her. She will develop this unconscious need to win my approval. And from there, it's cake."

The Expendables

The Expendables

After rejuvenating his career and saving Rocky and Rambo from the depths of crappiness, Sylvester Stallone turned his attention to the straight action movie. This is old school action. when men were manly men, good is good, bad is bad, and the explosions are big. Simply put, The Expendables is Stallone's love letter to the big, dumb 80's action movie.

And like a dumb 80's action movie, the plot is pretty simple. The Expendables are a rugged group of mercenaries led by Stallone that is hired to take down a dictator in a small Latin American island. Done. Synopsis over.

But look at the cast he's assembled to play his combatants! Stallone is joined from the some of the big tough guys of the last twenty years - Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Mickey Rourke, and Terry Crews (plus a nice cameo from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger). That's an impressive roster of muscle.

Unfortunately, Stallone is a little too accurate to the 80's action film because he picks up the bad parts elements of the genre as well as the good. So that means the women characters are all there to be saved by our heroes and have no role or personality other than that. It also means the writing is stiff and the humor...well, these guys are all trying really, really hard to be funny. They want to be witty, spitting out one-liners and little jabs at each other, but it is all forced and painfully unfunny. For example, the big joke of one scene is when Statham introduces himself and Stallone to a pretty girl by saying, "I'm Buda and he's Pest." Hahahah, it's a pun, get it? Budapest! It's a city in Hungary! Plus, he called Stallone a pest. Hahahahaha.

Sigh.

The movie is full of awkward dialogue like this. I guess Stallone didn't learn something very important that two decades of hindsight should have given him. The 80's one liners were rarely funny unless they were spoken by Arnold. He's the only action star who could combine bad ass and comedy so effortlessly. Everybody else was just trying too hard. This movie shows that this rule still rings true.

But that's not to say the movie is all bad. If it is one thing we lost since the heyday of the action movie, it's that now every movie needs to have story arcs, character development, and all that fancy stuff that makes for good cinema. But what Stallone understands is that these movies aren't meant to be good cinema. They are meant to be explosive and fun. Who wants character development? I just want to see Stallone knock the crap out of Steve Austin! Instead of each character having a subplot, we wait for each character to have his big 'action' moment. And Stallone is nice and gives each character a standout fight, which is nice to see. He takes advantage of his cast's prowess.

So there you go. Once the characters stop talking and start punching, it movie starts to become a whole lot of fun. So good for Stallone for resurrecting a certain type of movie in all its good and bad glory. If this is your type of thing, you're in for a treat! 

BEST LINE: Yin (Jet Li): "I need more money. I work harder than the rest." Barney (Stallone): "No, you don't." Yin: "Yes, I do. Everything is harder for me. When I'm hurt the wound is bigger, because I am smaller. When I travel, I need to go farther."

MVP: This one is easy. As fun as it was to watch all these tough guys in a movie together, they were all upstaged by one thing - the automatic shotgun. Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) has a shotgun that he brags about early, and then you kind of forget about it. But when he unleashes that puppy during the movie's climactic battle...WOW. Best word to describe it.

TRIVIA: Stallone tried to gather even more old school tough guys for the movie, including Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Siegal, and Wesley Snipes. They all couldn't participate for one reason or another. Well, there's always the sequel!  UPDATE: So the sequel is has now come out and sure enough, Stallone nabbed some nice additions to his cast, throwing Van Damme and Chuck Norris into the mix, along with bigger parts for Schwarzenegger and Willis.  For the third film, I hear he is hunting Wesley Snipes and Harrison Ford!

The Mummy

The Mummy

The foundation for Hammer Films was laid with three adaptations of classic movie monsters - Horror of Dracula, Curse of Frankenstein, and The Mummy - all directed by Terence Fisher, written by Jimmy Sangster and starring Peter Cushing as our hero and Christopher Lee as the monster.

The Mummy was the final of these three and while it is certainly the best of the Mummy films, it doesn't hold a candle to Horror of Dracula. The setup is simple and the same as most Mummy films. A team of archeologists led by Professor Banning (Felix Aylmer) and his son John (Peter Cushing) unearth the tomb of Ananka, the Egyptian priestess of Karnak. This of course pisses off the mummy that is guarding her tomb (Christopher Lee). The normal hijinks, curses, and murders ensue. What makes the film fun to watch is a committed cast of professionals (there really is not weak link in the acting department) and a Mummy that is genuinely cool looking. Unlike the silly looking bandages of the monsters in the later films, Christopher Lee's wrapping is actually pretty gross. He's muddy and moldy and dangerous.

The good parts of the movie also include the fights between the Mummy and John Banning. They are actually pretty rough for the 1950s and are some of the better fights of the franchise. I also really like the sinewy score by Franz Reizenstein. The main theme is terrific.

So its a pity that the movie just doesn't completely gel together. It really feels a bit sluggish in places, especially when it spends time on the little villagers, who I suppose are meant to be comic relief. Ultimately, they just drag the film down. And after a very effective buildup, the climax is a bit of a letdown. Overall, though, The Mummy is not bad. A bit slow in places, but still entertaining. I would recommend it. Just make sure you see the Dracula movies first!

MVP: Gotta give this one to Christopher Lee. I once foolishly thought that it didn't take talent to be a Mummy in a Mummy film. All you have to do is lumber around and kill people. But as I learned in this franchise's sequels, The Mummy's Shroud and Curse of the Mummy's Tomb, it really isn't so easy to be a Mummy. The monsters in those movies are not scary, at best - and at worst, they are laughable. Christopher Lee shows them how it should be done - he portrays the menace, but also the emotion. He is a conflicted mummy, after all. He cares more about Ananka (and John's wife, Isobel, who happens to look exactly like her) than he does about killing people. Lee makes all this clear with his body language and his eyes alone. It's pretty good stuff. Besides, he also deserves the MVP because of the Trivia below.

TRIVIA: Poor Christopher Lee. The Mummy is supposed to burst through a door during one attack. A grip on the set accidentally bolted the door shut right before filming. Luckily Christopher Lee was strong enough that he broke through the door anyway, but he dislocated his shoulder in the process. And then he threw his back out carrying Yvonne Furneaux through the forest. And then he bashed up his knees and shins on the swamp set because he couldn't see all the pipes and fittings underneath the murky water. And finally - those awesome little explosives that set off when Cushing shoots the Mummy with the shotgun (a super cool effect in the film) were extremely painful and left Lee with burn marks for weeks. All in all, a pretty painful gig...

BEST LINE: John Banning trying goad a potential bad guy into revealing himself:

John: "Karnak was not a very important diety. A third rate god."
Mehmet: "Not to those who believed in him."
John: "Perhaps not. But their standard of intelligence must have been remarkably low."

Unstoppable

Unstoppable

With a fairly unmemorable title and an even more forgettable advertising campaign, Unstoppable has surprisingly done well at the box office. The only thing I can think of is that word of mouth is helping this train move forward, since the film is actually a lot better than you would expect. It isn't a must-see or a brilliant thriller that rocked my world, but it is a lean and efficient movie, well-crafted and suspenseful.

Due to a series of idiotic blunders, a massive freight train with containers of explosive chemicals starts down the railroad line at top speeds, with no driver. The train company, represented at the local level by Connie (Rosario Dawson), tries desperately to stop the train before it gets to a major city, where it will likely derail and explode. To add to the problem, veteran conductor Frank (Denzel Washington) and rookie Will (Chris Pine) are on the same track, heading on a collision course straight toward the rogue train. And then there is also that train of school children on a field trip - oh no!!

Sounds like there isn't much to it, and really there isn't. But in the hands of a capable crew, the film is actually enjoyable. The cast all performs admirably, with the younger Pine holding his own against always reliable Denzel. Director Tony Scott (Top Gun) tones down the visual excesses that have marred his recent films and actually has made his best movie since 2001's Spy Game. The film is well-edited, well-paced, and doesn't feel the need to add a thousand explosions at the end. It's just all about stopping a train.

I don't think you should rush out to see Unstoppable. But it's worth a rental or a viewing on FX, certainly. It's just a solid, little movie.

MVP: I'm actually bypassing the big guns and going for character actor Lew Temple (21 Grams) as Ned. He is a quirky dude, with his sunglasses, cowboy hat, pickup truck and unkempt appearance. I'm not really sure what his job description is, but he seems to be the local train company's resident problem solver. Most of the movie, he is zooming alongside the train in his red pickup truck, waiting for the right moment to make a move to help, and yelling at random people about precision. It's an amusing performance and I smiled whenever he popped up on the screen.

TRIVIA: Chris Pine performed all of his own stunts, which is pretty impressive since they have him doing some dangerous things on that train car.

BEST LINE: Will: "This is Will Colsin, the conductor speaking; just to let you know we're gonna run this bitch down."

OSCAR NOMINATIONS: Best Sound Editing

Total Recall

Total Recall

First the bad news. Total Recall is over two decades old. When I realized that, I felt horrible. My back started aching, I thought I felt some arthritis in my knees, and a few more hairs turned gray. What the hell. I remember this movie coming out like it was yesterday. It can't be that old, can it? Is that possible?

And now, the good news.  Total Recall is just as awesome as it always was. Oh, maybe there are a few things that date the film here and there. Some of the hair styles, clothing, sets, and even some filmmaking aspects like the camera angles make it clear that this is a 1990 film. But nothing can hold this movie back from its rip-roaring, eye-bulging, exploding coolness.

Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Doug Quaid, a humble construction worker on Earth. One day, he decides to visit Rekall, a company that sells vacation memories - providing you with the memory of an awesome trip without all the hassles of lost luggage, annoying locals, and tipping waiters. Arnold's vacation is a fantasy package that allows him to be a secret agent. The problem is, the Rekall people accidentally unlock a previous memory implant. Maybe Doug Quaid really is a secret agent. He certainly doesn't think he is...but then why is that gang of gunmen chasing him all of the sudden? The adventure that follows is a whirlwind ride, leading Quaid from Earth to Mars, where he finds himself into the middle of rebellion and intrigue.

On the superficial level, the film is a blast. Big explosions, fun villains (played by Ronny Cox and Michael Ironside), beautiful women (Sharon Stone and Rachel Ticotin), weird mutants, superb special effects, more explosions, this is an action-packed movie. But what makes it a cut above the other action flicks of the period is that it is actually very smart, thanks to a clever script by Dan O'Bannon, Ronald Shusett, and Gary Goldman. Believe it or not, it is almost Hitchcockian in its story loops - I know all those stuffy film lovers who love Hitchcock and hate Schwarzenegger are now flicking me off. But I dare them to take another look at this movie. If Hitchcock had ever directed a science fiction film, it would be this. It would certainly be less violent, but the story structure would probably be very much the same. The mistaken identities, the suspenseful double crosses, and the journey of the everyman into the hero have a lot in common with North by Northwest, The Man who Knew Too Much, and other Hitchcock greats.

And how about Arnold Schwarzenegger? He will also be best known as the Terminator and rightfully so, because it is such an iconic role and performance. But I have always felt that Total Recall plays more to his strengths as an actor - he plays befuddled and confused really well, and his unique gift is that he can do this while also being believably badass at the same time. And I don't care what people say about him as an actor, he has great comic timing, which is something this movie lets him play with in spades. Is it his best movie or his best role? Nope. But it might be his best performance.

You know, now that I think about it, maybe Total Recall being so old isn't such a bad thing. A movie needs to be at least 20 years old to be considered a classic. And I'm happy to report that Total Recall fits that description pretty damn well.

MVP: This one is tough. Arnold and Verhoeven are in peak form. The music by Jerry Goldsmith is one of his personal best scores and truly elevates the movie. But I think the winner is going to have to be a team of technicians led by Eric Brevig, Rob Bottin, Tim McGovern, and Alex Funke. This is the special effects team, and their work is truly superb. This is old school special effects at its finest, at its most perfect form, before CGI took over everything. Total Recall relies on matte paintings, miniatures, puppets, and all of it is almost seamless. The special effects were so good that the film won a Special Academy Award for the achievement. And they are still really good even today. Only in a few places do they show their age. For the most part, it looks even better than CGI. So for that, the special effects team gets worthy MVP.

BEST LINE: Quaid: "Consider that a divorce."

TRIVIA: Patrick Swayze was cast as Doug Quaid at one point, early in development. Nothing against Swayze, but that would have been...a different movie.

OSCARS: Special Achievement Award for Special Effects

OSCAR NOMINATIONS: Best Sound Effects Editing and Best Sound. Goldsmith was robbed. He wasn't even nominated. :(

SPECIAL NOTE: SPOILER. I think I need to discuss the ending of Total Recall. Heavy spoilers here, so don't continue if you want to preserve the surprise. In some ways, Total Recall was the Inception of its day. There are blurred lines of reality, and there is some question about whether the whole movie takes place in Arnold's head. Is the whole movie actually the vacation that Quaid purchased? There is a lot of debate about this. I personally think the movie IS in his head. Here's why: the vacation package he buys is called "Blue Skies on Mars." That's what happens by the end of the movie. The sequence of events described by the salesman is exactly like the sequence of events as played out in the film. The brunette in the computer program just happens to look exactly like the girl he meets on the adventure.

And where does the dude with the briefcase come from? Cohaagan doesn't yet know that Quaid has been 'activated,' so there is no way he could have sent the briefcase guy in, as the film later claims. No, that scene only works in the context of the 'mystery spy movie,' like one that has just been planted in Arnold's head. Need more proof? Let's go for something literal. When the Rekall spokesman is trying to convince Arnold that everything is a dream, he says that if he isn't careful, "the walls of reality could come crashing down." What happens next? The wall literally crashes down and a bunch of gun-toting bad guys charge through it. The whole movie is totally in his head. I'm sure of it!

Predators

Predators

Well, I have to give producer Robert Rodriquez (Desperado) and director Nimrod Antal (Kontrol) credit. Their hearts were in the right places. They looked back at the history of the Predator franchise and watched as it was bogged down in a futuristic city in the first sequel and then dragged through the mud in two ridiculous 'vs. Aliens' movies.

So if Predators doesn't quite hit the mark, it's not through lack of trying. The basic plot is a fun extension of the original. Various ruthless killers from around the globe are gathered together and parachuted into a strange jungle. They include a mercenary (Adrien Brody), a sniper (Alice Braga), a Russian soldier (Oleg Taktarov), an African rebel (Mahershalalhashbaz Ali), a Japanese Yakuza (Louis Ozawa Changchien), a Mexican cartel enforcer (Danny Trejo), a murderer (Walter Goggins), and also a doctor (Topher Grace, onboard for some comic relief). It doesn't take long before this group of hunters realize that they are now the ones being hunted - by a trio of vicious Predator aliens. If you've seen the originals, you know what you're in for. If you are new to the franchise, then you are about to watch some giant, wonderfully designed alien warriors who like to hunt humans for sport with a variety of spears, wrist blades and shoulder cannons. The Predators themselves were cool in 1987, and they are still pretty cool.

As a dumb, fun action flick, Predators gets the job done, I suppose. The fight scenes are engaging, the weapons are cool, and the explosions are appropriately big. But the movie is full of good ideas that either don't pay off or just end plain stupidly. Only two or three of the characters are even remotely interesting or memorable. The "mystery" about why the doctor is in the jungle is predictable and unnecessary - and actually makes no sense as presented. The characters continually do things that are really stupid - for example, pretty early on the gang finds out that the Predators can see their heat signatures. And they realize that if they cover themselves in mud, they can mask their heat signature, pretty much making themselves invisible to the alien hunters. But do they smother themselves in mud? Nope. They just kind of say, "oh, that's interesting" and then go about their merry way.

But there is still some fun to be had. Adrien Brody ("The Pianist"), who I initially thought was woefully miscast as a tough mercenary, is actually really good. He's appropriately badass and damn, is he cut. Brody has clearly been working out. A lot. And Alice Braga (I Am Legend) as the guilt-ridden sniper Isabelle, really brings a bit of humanity to accompany her toughness.

All in all, its not a great movie. Despite its best intentions and some great ideas, its a bit of a misfire. But it is certainly better than any other Predator movie since the original. If you need an old school action movie to watch, there are worse ways you can spend your afternoon.

MVP: This one is easy. Alice Braga. I don't know what it is, but the camera loves her in this movie. Braga has never really registered on my radar before, but I guess you give a girl a sniper rifle and I start paying attention! But she's more than just a dirt and blood covered pretty face; she actually gives the best performance in the movie. Though the role is a bit under-written, she actually manages to create a three-dimensional character, someone who got her old partner killed, who doesn't want to be a part of violence any more, who actually thinks before she acts, and who puts the group before anyone's petty interests. If Adrien Brody is the leader of the this ragtag group of killers, she's the heart and the conscience. It's a good performance. And wow, does she look cute running around with that sniper rifle.

TRIVIA: The original script called for cameos from the stars of the earlier Predator movies - Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Glover. Unfortunately, those scenes were cut out of the script. Which is a bummer, because that would have been pretty cool.

BEST LINE: Royce: "How do we kill them?" Noland: "However you can."

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

The producers of the Harry Potter franchise must have faced an immense amount of pressure with the latest film. They couldn't just maintain the quality of the previous installments. They had to up the ante, they had to knock this finale out of the park. If they messed this movie up, then they would have practically wasted the last 10 years.

The jury is still out. Part 1 is the appetizer and I think all the meat is going to be in Part 2. That's not to say the movie is bad. Overall, it is pretty good. The story, first of all, is solid and different from the others. When the evil lord Voldemort (a defiantly creepy Ralph Fiennes) and his cronies take over the wizard government, Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe), Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) and Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint) go on the run. Fugitives, they desperately teleport from place to place, trying to stay one step ahead of the their pursuers and destroy the horcruxes - artifacts that contain the different pieces of Voldemort's soul. Along the way, they uncover the existence of the Deathly Hallows - the three most powerful items in the wizarding world. Can they find them before Voldemort does?

The biggest strength of Deathly Hallows could very well be the acting. The films have always been strong in the acting department, what with casts that included a who's who of amazing performers. I'm happy to report that our three leads - Radcliffe, Grint, and especially Watson now fit in very comfortably with their esteemed colleagues. They bring on the intensity with full force and are utterly believable in their dire situation. The movie also has some terrific set pieces, including a memorable infiltration into enemy headquarters, that is superb because it deftly balances true tension with some terrific humor, which isn't easy to do. It's one of the best sequences of the film.

But the movie has some issues. The pacing is probably the biggest problem. I think the filmmakers were so interested in Potter going fugitive, that they rushed through all the really important stuff leading up to it. Major characters are killed off screen or super quickly, major events like the fall of the government just kind of happen with a passing line of dialogue. They just blow through all this important material and then when the heroes become fugitives, the pace slows down. While I appreciated the slower pace here, and I really enjoyed this part of the movie, it does drag a bit in the middle. They should have trimmed some of it and added some necessary exposition in the beginning.

Still, overall this is a solid entry into the franchise and succeeds at its most important task: it sets all the pieces on the board in preparation for a huge final battle. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 comes out next summer. The pressure's on. Don't mess this up, guys.

MVP: I need to give an honorable mention here. Minor spoilers here: Emma Watson wins in the acting department in a nicely balanced performance as Hermione Granger. A nice example of why she gets an honorable mention is her work in the movie's most emotional scene, way in the beginning, when she erases herself from her parent's memories to protect them from the coming horrors. It's a powerful moment and Watson gracefully balances the grief with the steely resolve that this is the right thing to do.

But the real MVP goes to Ben Hibon, the animation director of the coolest sequence of the film. When Hermione tells the story of the Deathly Hallows, the film cuts to a bizarrely animated and brilliantly haunting sequence that recounts the legendary tale of the three brothers who encounter Death. The animation is fantastic, and is easily the best thing about this movie. It was so different than anything else in the series so far, but yet so perfect at the same time. Awesome stuff.

BEST LINE: Mad-eye Moody: "Fair warning to you. It tastes like goblin piss." Fred Weasley: "Have lots of experience with that, do you, Mad Eye? ...uh, just trying to diffuse the tension..."

TRIVIA: When our heroes are in London, they pass by a poster for "Equus," the West End play that Daniel Radcliffe starred in.

OSCAR NOMINATIONS: Art Direction, Best Visual Effects

Blood from the Mummy's Tomb

Blood from the Mummy's Tomb

I am now convinced that the Mummy franchise was the weak link of the Hammer franchises. The original was alright, if a bit stuffy. Curse of the Mummy's Tomb was mediocre, and The Mummy's Shroud was terrible. I was dreading the thought of having to watch the fourth and final film of the franchise - imagine my surprise when I realized that Blood from the Mummy's Tomb is not half bad. It's actually one of the more creative mummy movies I've seen.

First of all, there isn't really a mummy. Archeologists led by Professor Fuchs (Andrew Keir) unearth the tomb of the evil Egyptian Queen Tera, but they don't find a decomposed and wrapped body. Instead they find a perfectly preserved (and barely dressed) body of the evil Queen Tera (played by Valerie Leon). That's strange. But even stranger is that her hand, which had been severed during her burial, still bleeds. At the exact moment the tomb is unearthed, thousands of miles away in England, Professors Fuch's wife dies in childbirth. But the child, Margaret, survives. What is weird is that as the older she gets, the more she begins to look like the young dead queen in the sarcophagus. That's odd. More years pass, and someone begins murdering members of the expedition one at a time. After her father is viciously attacked, Margaret (also Valerie Leon) begins to investigate the connection between the murders and Queen Tera's tomb.

It is a neat plot, based on a short story by Bram Stoker called Jewel of the Seven Stars. And this is actually an intriguing film. And I'm not sure why. There is a lot to not like here. First of all, the film can't make up its mind when it even takes place - sometimes it seems like 1970s swinging London, but certain characters are dressed as if it were half a century earlier. The acting is mostly unremarkable, and not even the usually dependable Andrew Keir is on his game.
And I think Valerie Leon was hired more for the way she wears the Egyptian neckpiece and not so much for her acting (see the picture over there). Oh, she's fine as the haughty and imperious Queen Tera, but as Margaret she isn't believable for a moment. Also, the ending of the film makes absolutely no sense. Just when we are going to get what I think is going to be an exciting climax, we get characters switching sides for no reason and then the movie just ends. Just ends. Without really even telling us what was happening.

And yet, there is a lot of good stuff in here. Maybe we can thank Stoker, but the story is actually interesting and creative. The movie leaves you guessing for most of its run time as to who the heroes and the villains are. Certain characters you are sure are going to live are killed off in surprising ways. The director Seth Holt (Scream of Fear) brings a lot of interesting tricks to the table with nice camera angles and atmospheric lighting that mask the film's small budget. And as usual, there is a flashback to ancient Egypt - scenes that invariably slowed down the previous Mummy movies, but here Holt incorporates the flashback into Margaret's nightmares, which gives them relevance.

I guess intriguing is the best word to use. Is Blood from the Mummy's Tomb any good? I don't know. Probably not. Too much of it doesn't work. But it is very intriguing and I found myself enjoying the journey it look me on. It's just a creative little oddity. If you're curious, check it out.

MVP: I'm tempted to say Queen Tera's neckpiece, but I think I might go with James Villiers as the scientist Corbeck. As one of the explorers on the expedition, he was present when the tomb was opened. He should be in danger like the rest of the group, but you would never guess so from his attitude. His snide and arrogant line readings are a hoot. He clearly thinks everyone in the world, with the possible exception of Tera, is beneath him and not worth his time. It's a fun performance.

Oh, who am I kidding? The MVP is supposed to be the best thing in the movie. And that is clearly Queen Tera's neckpiece. So there you go.


BEST LINE: Corbeck: "The meek shall not inherit the earth. They cannot be trusted with it."


TRIVIA: This movie seemed to be marked with tragedy from the beginning. Peter Cushing was due to star, but his wife passed away just before filming began. Andrew Keir stepped in to take his place. And then a week before the movie was due to be wrapped, director Seth Holt died and had to be replaced with producer Michael Carreras.

No Reservations

No Reservations

Modern day romantic comedies generally aren't my thing. Which is funny, because I love old school romantic comedies. But the best days of the genre, along with its best stars - Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Audrey Hepburn, Irene Dunne - are gone. Now, all romantic comedies are the same and follow the same well-worn path. What separates the good from the bad is always your team (obviously). If you get a good director, a decent writer and a fun cast with some chemistry - well, then the formula isn't a bad thing. The problem is, the best and brightest talents in Hollywood are rarely interested in this genre anymore.

So when I saw the pedigree for No Reservations, I actually thought it might be something. The director is Scott Hicks, the Australian auteur behind Shine. The cast includes actors who don't normally make these kinds of movies - when is the last time Catherine Zeta Jones, Aaron Eckhart, and Patricia Clarkson were in a movie like this? Even the composer was unusual for this type of project- classical composer Philip Glass who ventures into movies rarely and when he does, it is for indie films or esoteric documentaries. Plus, No Reservations was based on a German comedy called Mostly Martha, which was supposed to be terrific. This all made me very curious.

Kate (Catherine Zeta Jones) is a uptight chef in an expensive restaurant owned by Paula (Patricia Clarkson). She is a brilliant chef, but a bit ornery, and she has a habit of insulting guests who don't like her food. In an effort to force Kate to deal with her temper, Paula forces her to go to therapy (the therapist is played by Bob Balaban). When her sister is killed in a car accident, Kate adopts her niece Zoe (Abigail Breslin) and is forced to change her strictly regimented life. To make life more stressful, Paula has hired a new sous chef for the restaurant, the free-wheeling, opera-singing, self-trained Nick (Aaron Eckhart). Kate and Nick are complete opposites and the tension begins almost immediately. And....I think we can all see where this is going.

Unfortunately, the esteemed cast and crew of No Reservations are unable to lift the film past its own blandness. Oh, the cast does its job. They are all pleasant and professional, if unremarkable. Zeta Jones and Eckhart go through the motions gamely enough, though they lack any sort of chemistry whatsoever. They are clearly falling in love because the script is telling them to. But they aren't really bad. They're just there. The best performance easily comes from little Abigail Breslin. It's a shame that her character is basically wasted - she is just a chess piece designed to bring Nick and Kate together. The most interesting story element is Zoe dealing with the traumatic death of her mother; more time should have been spent on this and less on the goofy verbal sparring between Kate and Nick.

The other creative partner that rises to the occasion is Philip Glass. What is he doing scoring this film? Did he lose a bet? It's so odd. That said, he rises to the occasion, writing an alternately bouncy and emotional score that somehow both adheres to genre rules while still keeping to his minimalistic cyclical style. Go him.

As for the rest of the movie, there is nothing really bad I can say about it. The problem is, there is nothing really good I can say about it, either. It is almost entirely forgettable. It's good to watch when you can't sleep one night and you happen to catch it. And don't worry if you start the film halfway in. You haven't missed anything because you've seen it all before.

MVP: I'm going with Breslin, who acts circles around her older, more established co-stars. She brings three-dimensions to her character. If the whole film had been about her dealing with the death of her mother, it could have been a winner. With her limited screen time, Breslin rises to the occasion and in the processes, rises her character out of mediocrity. When she is told about her mother's death, her reaction was gut-wrenching. It's one of the few times I felt any sort of emotion - good or bad- in the movie. Breslin's the real deal. I see Oscars in her future.

BEST LINE: Nick: "Get your hands off my tupperware."

TRIVIA: In a subtle bit of product placement, the characters all gush over an Australian wine from Yacca Paddock Wineries. These wineries are actually owned by Scott Hicks, the director. Clever.

Red Cliff (International Version)

Red Cliff

First of all, let me be clear about one thing. John Woo is back. Having escaped Hollywood, Woo has made his first film in his native China since 1992 - a behemoth 2-part epic Red Cliff, which displays all the flare and energy we came to love back in his heyday. Red Cliff isn't just a return to form; it's an expansion on his abilities. The sheer scope of the production is staggering and more massive than anything Hollywood has done in awhile, and Woo pulls it off admirably.

There is a "but." I know a lot of foreign films only make it to the United States in an edited form. Producers slice up a movie to make it more "palatable" for American audiences and usually they butcher the film in the process. While I wouldn't wish that fate on Red Cliff, I have to admit that this is a movie that is in serious need of some big cutting.

Red Cliff is the story of one of the most epic battles in Chinese history (and one of the greatest levels in the Dynasty Warriors video game franchise). In the dying days of the Han Dynasty, the ambitious Minister Cao Cao (Fengyi Zhang) tramples over all opposition with his massive army. His ruthless ambition forces an alliance between the two other major power players of the time, Liu Bei (Yong You) and Sun Quan (Chen Chang). Even combined, the new allied force has some serious disadvantages. Cao Cao has the largest army in the world, numbering in the hundreds of thousands. His men are well-trained, well-fed and well-armed. The allies, on the other hand, have a combined army of no more than 80,000 men, their leaders mistrust each other and have different priorities, and they are running short on supplies and weapons. But the allies do have a few advantages, namely the word's coolest general Zhou Yu (Tony Leong) and the brilliant strategist Zhuge Liang (Takeshi Kaneshiro). Part I of the film focuses on the alliance, the initial battles, and the various strategic moves the armies make as they prepare for the big battle. Part II deals with the final strategies and the epic battle itself.

There is a lot of ground to cover in these movies, but five hours is pushing it, especially when it would have been easy to do some slicing and dicing. It's not that the individual scenes are unnecessary; it's that they go on for too long for no reason. For example, when Zhuge Liang visits Zhou Yu to propose the alliance, he finds that Yu's favorite horse is in labor and having difficulty delivering. Zhuge Liang, who is a brilliant farmer when he isn't busy being a brilliant strategist, helps deliver the baby horse. The scene is important because Liang proves his worth to Zhou Yu and this moment is the trigger that builds trust between the two men. But the delivery scene goes on forever! And I could have lived without the slimy baby horse leg slowly coming out of the mommy horse's private parts. Is that really necessary?

There are a lot of moments like this in the film, when you will turn to you buddy and say, "Why are they spending so much time here?" or "Why are they still playing the musical instruments?" or "Why is he still sword-dancing?" or "Why are they still playing soccer?" or most importantly, "Why is this movie five hours long??"

With some trimming, Red Cliff could have really been superb. The art direction is great, the actors are all uniformly excellent, and the action is a lot of fun. The battles are like the Dynasty Warriors game come to life, and I got a thrill from watching old favorites from the game, like the legendary Guan Yu, kicking butt on the battlefield. And the climactic battle in Part II is appropriately epic, with thousands of men piling into each other, firing arrows, throwing spears, launching explosives. The carnage on display is chaotic and massive, and yet we never lose our bearings because of how carefully Woo has orchestrated the battle. It's a pretty impressive - though I will admit the battle ends a bit anti-climactically (SPOILER - the way the scene is edited, it seems like the final victory is achieved because one character is able to mess up the other character's pony tail. Probably not what they were going for, but Wha?!?).

The best parts of the movie involve the various strategies the two forces use. It's fascinating to watch the generals as they ponder ways to outwit each other. And the movie isn't just the underdogs outwitting the big bad guy, either. Cao Cao gives as good as he gets, and makes some really clever and ruthless moves. He is clearly a good general and is a genuine inspiration to his men. It's rare that movies give the bad guy a big, inspirational speech, but Woo gives Cao Cao a great one. All this just makes him a more memorable adversary.

I know there is another version of the film that has been sliced down into 148 minutes. I'd be curious to see how it is, but I doubt it is any good. That is cutting too much out of the movie. I like the character development, and I appreciate the fact that the movie delves into the motivations and psychological implications of warfare. This is heavy stuff, and I'm sure the American version takes most of it out. But there is no doubt that Red Cliff is too long, and would have been much better with about an hour sliced out. 

MVP: Fengyi Zhang as Cao Cao is my MVP. It's a tough call because Tony Leong and Takeshi Kaneshiro are also superb. But Cao Cao is a strong villain, three-dimensional, passionate, and ruthless. I don't want to give too much away about his true motivations, but it completely changes his character from the cartoonish dictator with an invincible army to a fully rounded human being. It's a great performance from Zhang.

TRIVIA: Chow Yun Fat was to play Zhou Yu, but dropped out on the first day of principle photography. This worked out for the best, I think. As much as I like Chow Yun Fat, I think Tony Leong is a better choice for that role.

BEST LINE: Cao Cao "He has brought his stupidity upon me."

Hot Tub Time Machine

Hot Tub Time Machine

When I saw the previews for Hot Tub Time Machine, I was a little confused. While it is always nice to see John Cusack in a comedy, I had to wonder why he was in this movie. And then when I found out he was actually one of the producers, I got even more confused. This is a Hangover-like crazy-fest, and the last thing I expected to see Cusack in.

Lou (Rob Corddry), Adam (John Cusack) and Nick (Craig Robinson) are three friends who are down on their luck. They go through their day in dead-end jobs or in dead-end relationships. Adam is forced to live with his nephew Jacob (Clark Duke) who escapes to the basement all day, playing online games. Simply put, their lives suck. In an effort to cheer Lou up, the gang decides to take a trip to Kodiak Ski Resort, where they had partied hard as teenagers. Unfortunately, Kodiak is a dump now, rundown and deserted except for a grumpy one-armed porter (a fantastic Crispen Glover). That night, in an alcohol and energy drink-fueled haze, the four vacationers jump into the hot tub and pass out. When they wake up, it is 1986!! Not just 1986, but it is the very night where Adam, Lou and Nick hit a crossroads in their lives, where they all made a fateful decision that would affect the rest of their lives. What will happen now that they get to relive that day?

If this all sounds predictable and kind of corny, it is. But the movie does actually have its share of big laughs. When the writers throw jokes at you a million at a time, there are going to some that stick. Each of the four characters have their own little adventure - my personal favorite is Nick's story. Nick has to accept that his wife is cheating on him and find the courage to somehow play with his band again. Nick goes on a funny, emotional journey, and he cries a lot - and Craig Robinson crying is really funny 100% of the time.

The worst story, ironically, is Cusack's. Not that his performance is bad. It's fine; it just doesn't belong here. He is playing his usual role, a self-conscious angst-ridden man who hems and haws about whether or not he should have broken up with a girl. It sounds like a lot of John Cusack movies. The problem is, none of these movies are Hot Tub Time Machine. Cusack and his movie belong somewhere else, away from the 1980s cameos, vomiting and Craig Robinson crying. It just sticks out and slows the film down when it should be ramping up. It's a shame really - Cusack did so many films in the 80s that it makes complete sense for him to be in a satire of the decade. But his angst doesn't belong in a slapstick piece of insanity.

Overall, the movie is okay. Some people even like it more than The Hangover, which I think is crazy. I definitely disagree with that. The Hangover was a subversive, creative surprise. Hot Tub Time Machine goes through mostly familiar territory and has only a few genuine surprises. Clark Duke doesn't have much to do, Cusack's story drags the film down, and Rob Corddry is a bit too over-the-top in a lot of scenes. On the other hand, you have Craig Robinson, Crispen Glover and Corddry's good over-the-top performance in other scenes. It's not great, but there are a good number of laughs and a few really big ones. Definitely worth a rental, if nothing else.

BEST LINE: Jacob: "Actually, that's the sort of thing that would be in the asshole handbook."

MVP: I'm going with Crispen Glover as the Kodiak's one-armed and bitter porter. In 1986, he still has both his arms and we spend the whole movie anticipating when he is going to lose his limb. This is the one element of the movie that actually sort of keeps us guessing. And Glover's performance is so WEIRD. In the present day, he is just so angry, spewing his venom, throwing luggage around and still expecting tips. In the past, he is so enthusiastically cheerleader perky. It's just a bizarre little performance and my favorite thing about the movie. Robinson is a close second, though.

TRIVIA: Craig Robinson actually came up with the popular line, "We must have gotten in some sort of hot tub time machine," before staring deadpan into the camera. It's a great gag and perfect for the marketing machine, which is why it was in all the trailers.

The Devil's Bride (or The Devil Rides Out)

The Devil's Bride (or The Devil Rides Out)

Reputation-wise, The Devil's Bride (or its original title, The Devil Rides Out) is considered one of the crown jewels of the Hammer Film series. At the recommendation of their top star Christopher Lee, they optioned the rights to the popular Dennis Wheatley novel. Their top director Terence Fisher (Horror of Dracula) was brought on board to helm the project, and acclaimed novelist Richard Matheson (I Am Legend) was hired to write the screenplay. The film is regarded as a classic of the genre. I guess you can call me the party pooper, but I think it is a great idea that unravels as it goes.

The film has an intriguing premise. The Duc de Richeleau (Christopher Lee) and Rex (Leon Greene) are old friends. A third friend had passed away many years before, and Richeleau and Rex had promised to watch over his son Simon (Patrick Mower). Unfortunately, Simon has fallen under the influence of a satanic cult leader named Mocata (Charles Gray). Luckily enough, Richeleau also just happens to be a master of the occult. The movie becomes a battle of wills between the villainous Mocata and Richeleau, with Simon's soul in the middle. Richeleau and Rex also try to save Tanith (Nike Arrighi), another potential young victim who is definitely due to be sacrificed to the devil.

The first half of the movie is pretty good, as Richeleau and Mocata keep interfering with each other's plans. There are actually some genuinely creepy moments, especially when Mocata begins to use his hypnotic influence over the weak-willed Simon and Tanith. The stakes raise, lives are threatened, we have car chases, evil genie demons, a dark and bloody ceremony in the woods, and the momentum builds to an awesome idea for a climax. Hiding out in a country estate with friends Marie (Sarah Lawson) and the skeptical Richard (Paul Eddington), Richeleau draws an magical protective circle on the floor. So long as they stay in the circle, they are safe. But Mocata's dark powers assault them at all sides, trying to either break through the barrier or convince the good guys to come out. This is a fascinating idea and an opportunity for some truly horrific magic coolness. Unfortunately, this set piece never lives up to its potential and as the film barrels to the climax, there are just so many "huh???" moments, that I was continually taken out of the movie.

For example - Spoiler Here - if you live in a house that is about to be attacked by a satanic cult, why would you put yourself in a protective magic circle, but tell your 8-year old daughter to just go upstairs to her room and go to sleep. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. So later in the movie, when they find out that Mocata has kidnapped the girl, should they really have been surprised? I wasn't. The last act of the movie has a lot of moments like this that kind of ruin the rest of the movie for me. And don't even get me started on how the movie talks about the space-time continuum. Yes, The Devil's Bride talks about the space-time continuum.

But when it works, it really is enjoyable. Terence Fisher's direction is dependable as usual, and the acting is all quite good. Christopher Lee and Charles Gray are of course the highlights - two confidant and charismatic men who are great foils for each other. And like I said, there are some genuinely cool moments. I just wish the film didn't fall apart near the end.

Overall, I think this film is worth watching, but I don't understand why it is considered one of Hammer's best. 

MVP: Christopher Lee, for once playing a good guy, is the clear MVP. It's his show from the beginning. He even sells some implausible plot points - the fact that he is a master of the occult is literally just mentioned with a "oh, by the way" slight of hand. But I bought it, because I believed that Christopher Lee believed it. I think that's why Lee and Cushing are considered such icons of the genre. Because even in the most ridiculous circumstances, they seem like they believe it; they seem like they belong in this world. It makes the choice easy: Christopher Lee owns the movie.

TRIVIA: In England, the film was called The Devil Rides Out. But the U.S. distributor was worried that American audiences would think the film was a Western, so they retitled it as The Devil's Bride. It's a pity, because The Devil Rides Out is a way cooler title.

BEST LINE: A rare moment of comedy. Sitting in the magic circle, Richard says: "I think we are behaving like a pack of idiots."
Richeleau: "It begins."
Richard: "What? What begins?"
Richeleau: "Mocata is working on you. Because you are the weakest link."
Richard: "What?"
Richeleau: "Uhhh, from his point of view!"

The Mummy's Shroud

The Mummy's Shroud
Despite the mediocre reviews, I was actually excited about this second sequel to the Hammer Mummy franchise. Filmed in 1967, The Mummy's Shroud was a reunion of sorts between director John Gilling and star Andre Morell, who the previous year had released the thoroughly enjoyable The Plague of the Zombies.

Maybe I jinxed it. In my review of "The Plague of the Zombies," I talked about how much I liked John Gilling's direction and how the mentor characters in Hammer Films are always awesome. Oh, this movie debunked both of those statements before the first reel had ended.

The movie starts off with a flashback of ancient Egypt - in all of its cardboard set glory. Our Egyptians are all clearly white dudes covered in uneven spray tan. The Pharoah is murdered, but before he dies he asks his slave Prem to rescue the prince Kay-to-Bey. Prem swears to protect the boy for all eternity. That's great and all, but this horribly filmed, horribly acted, horribly narrated prologue goes on for almost ten minutes! The film improves somewhat (but barely) when we skip to the early 20th Century, where archeologists have uncovered the tomb of Kay-to-Bey. Of course, it's time for the Mummified Prim to exact some payback!

Our potential victims this time are the unlikable Stanley Preston (John Phillips), a wealthy businessman who wants to hog all the glory and none of the danger; Preston's long-suffering press secretary Longbarrow (Hammer regular Michael Ripper); Preston's son, Paul (David Buck); the psychic archeologist Claire (Maggie Kimberly); photographer Harry (Tim Barrett); and esteemed archeologist Sir Basil (Andre Morell). I thought at least Morell would be good, but he is entirely wasted. He is barely in the movie, and his character doesn't have anything remotely interesting to do or say. After so many cool mentors in Hammer Films, this role was a complete disappointment.

There is so much stupid stuff in this movie. Our cartoon bad guy Hasmid (Roger Delgado) isn't scary, but overacts and spews out gibberish like a cartoon character. The best thing I can say about him is that his spray tan is at least even. The police are inept, insisting on keeping our heroes in exactly the places where they are most vulnerable. Our heroes themselves are either deadly dull or annoying, or both (with one exception).

Is the movie all bad? No, I suppose not. There are some nice, atmospheric moments throughout that reminded me a bit of Gilling's other work. The one actor I quite liked was Preston's put-upon press secretary Longbarrow. As played by Ripper, he is a nice man, a kind man, but weak. He just doesn't have the strength to resist his jerk of a boss. He is really the only character whose fate I cared about. Also, I thought some of the Mummy fights were pretty decent. I especially enjoyed the Harry vs. Mummy fight in his apartment dark room.

But this is all too little. If you love Mummy movies, check this out just so you can say you've seen it. But for everyone else - stay away from The Mummy's Shroud!!

MVP: Harry vs. The Mummy - I know usually I pick a person for the MVP, but I think I have to go with this one scene, where the expedition photographer Harry is assaulted in his dark room. It's a short struggle, but pretty brutal. And Harry puts up a good fight. It's easily the best scene of the movie.

TRIVIA: It is popularly believed that Peter Cushing was the narrator of the stupid opening flashback. There is no record of who the narrator was, but it is most assuredly not Cushing. It doesn't sound anything like him.

BEST LINE: Stanley Preston: "I plan to leave as soon as suitable passage is available." Police Chief: "In that case, I'm afraid you will become a guest of the police department. And in this instance, I should warn you that our prisons are not exactly what you would choose for a holiday."

Plague of the Zombies

The Plague of the Zombies

First off, I have to be clear about something. Zombies, as we know them, did not exist until 1968 when George Romero directed Night of the Living Dead. The flesh-eating, lumbering killers who stalk the streets moaning, "brainnnnssss" just weren't on the scene yet. Instead, zombies were undead, brainless slaves, usually brought to life by voodoo black magic. These are the zombies you see in Hammer's Plague of the Zombies. I just wanted to mention that upfront, so that you won't expect one type of zombie and end up with something entirely different.

But what you do get is one of the better Hammer horror flicks! All the standard Hammer elements are here - both good and bad - but it all comes together beautifully. Even the lead actress Diane Clare's wooden performance doesn't detract but actually enhances the fun (as does young Brook Williams' terrific over-acting). But don't think I am implying that Plague of the Zombies is so bad, it's good. That's not the case. This is a solid film, atmospheric and intriguing, and its flaws are endearing as opposed to annoying.

People are mysteriously dying in a small town in Cornwall. Dr. Peter Thompson (Brook Williams) doesn't know what to do, so he calls his old professor Sir James Forbes (Andre Morell) to help. Traveling with his daughter Sylvia (Diane Clare), Sir James comes to town and finds himself facing off against the voodoo-practicing Squire Clive Hamilton (John Carson), his gang of ruffians, and some zombie slaves.

Some people might complain about the pace of the film. If fast cuts, interwoven with slashing and screaming every five seconds is your type of horror film, then don't watch this movie. You will be bored to tears because most of the movie Sir James is investigating, wandering around the town, asking questions. The chills build slowly, gradually gathering steam until its time for the exciting climax. But there are moments that are genuinely creepy in this film. The first time you see a zombie is quite shocking. (SPOILER ALERT) Sylvia is exploring an old tin mill when she sees the creature standing on the roof, holding the bloody body of one of his victims. He screams and tosses the body at Sylvia like a ragdoll before disappearing. (SPOILER OVER).

The acting is mostly pretty good - with Andre Morell at the top of the heap as Sir James. Going about his investigations with a wry sense of humor, he is just a joy to watch. John Carson as the villainous squire and Hammer regular Michael Ripper as the police sergeant are also quite good. And as I mentioned above, even when the actors aren't good, it actually really is good!

Squire Hamilton is also an interesting villain. He's not all evil, and his motives aren't world domination or anything silly like that. His ultimate goal may seem cheesy to some, but I submit that the idea is sound - the budget just didn't permit the filmmakers to do it right!

Director John Gilling (The Reptile) pushes the filmmaking envelope in some ways, as well. His direction is assured, and he experiments with dream sequences and hand held camera work. The handheld work is especially surprising to see. The shots only half work - cameras were so cumbersome in the 1960s and the shots are really shaky. But the fact that Gilling was experimenting with this in a low budget British horror film is super cool and impressive.

All in all, Plague of the Zombies is a nice Halloween treat. I definitely think you should check it out!

MVP: One element that Hammer Films always handled extremely well was the "mentor" figure. Unlike American films, where the mentor is always killed off (so the young hero can get revenge), you are never quite sure what will happen to Hammer's mentors. Sometimes they die, sometimes they live, sometimes the young lead is killed and its up to the mentor to save the day. And sometimes they even take the lead in the film themselves - which is what Plague of the Zombies does. Continuing in the long line of awesome Hammer mentors, Andre Morell is easily the best thing about this movie. He is incredibly smart, but keeps a wry sense of humor about him the whole time. He isn't winking at the audience, but he is certainly winking at all the bad guys as if he's onto them from the beginning. The scene that seals his MVP award is when he visits Squire Hamilton's house. (MINOR SPOILER) He barges into the house, in an upper class fit, and places his coat, hat and cane on top of a giant stuffed bear; the way he does this without blinking an eye, while he is still ranting, is very funny stuff, but also smart because while he is distracting the Squire's men with his behavior, he himself is carefully observing everything around him. It's nice, subtle work. Morell's performance is a huge reason why Plague is so good. A weaker actor in the role and we would've had a big problem!

BEST LINE: Dr. Franklin, upon learning the identity of one of the victims, in all his overacting glory: "...no...no...NOOOOOO!!!!!"

TRIVIA: Filmed back to back with The Reptile, with all the same sets. And yes, this is very obvious!

Curse of the Mummy's Tomb

Curse of the Mummy's Tomb

The first sequel in Hammer's Mummy series, Curse of the Mummy's Tomb is definitely a mixed bag. Certainly, the basic plot line is almost exactly like the first - an Egyptian tomb is found, the Mummy is brought to life by a bad guy and goes on a rampage, killing those who disturbed his eternal slumber. In this case, our potential victims are American showman Alexander King (Fred Clark), Egyptian government official Hashemi Bey (George Pastell), and archeologists Sir Giles (Jack Gwillim), John Bray (Ronald Howard) and Annette Dubois (Jeanne Roland). Helping our heroes out, while also wooing Annette away from her fiance, is amateur Egyptologist Adam Beauchamp (Terence Morgan).

While the plot isn't the most original, there is a lot of good stuff in here. Alexander King's role is an interesting addition to the Mummy story. Instead of wanting to put the Mummy in a museum, Alexander King wants to tour the artifacts around the world in a tacky Barnum and Bailey-like sideshow attraction - much to the horror of esteemed archeologist Sir Giles and the Egyptian official Hashemi Bey. Such conflicts within the group initially make it unclear who the villains and heroes in the film are - though it is obvious who is the lead bad guy. Even then, the twist of the bad guy's real identity is an interesting angle on the well-known mummy movie curses. I thought it was actually quite creative.

The acting is all quite good (with two notable exceptions) and the cinematography is beautiful. Carreras knows his way around a creepy shot, and the first appearance of the Mummy in the London fog is fantastic. This film had a horribly small budget, and what Carreras does with his sets and camera is surprising, giving the film a more more expensive look.

Unfortunately, the film's flaws are also many, and like several Hammer films, the last 15 minutes are a bit of a mess. The big problem is that our female lead Annette is so thoroughly unlikable. Her character is a bit of a turd, spending most of the movie flirting with Adam and cheating on her fiance. Maybe we are supposed to feel sympathy for Annette and her heart being torn between two men, but if that is the case, actress Jeanne Roland is just not up to the challenge. With all the fun characters the Mummy kills in this movie, I kind of wish he had just gone after her. A bigger problem is the Mummy itself - I was foolish in thinking that you didn't need a real actor in this type of role. But you really do. Christopher Lee brought menace and pathos in the original Mummy, while this lumbering creature just waddles around, a bit like a Penguin, and he has a beer belly. I repeat - this Mummy has a beer belly!

I also think the police are handled really weirdly in this movie. Upon first hearing that a Mummy is running around killing people, they're all just, "oh, okay" as if this were a regular event in turn-of-the-century London. And there is an inexplicable scene near the end where the police set a trap for the Mummy. When the traps goes wrong, they all literally just stand in the room and watch while the creature kills one of the main characters and then walks away. Do they try and stop it? Nope. Is it because they are afraid? Nope. I would have accepted that. I have no idea why they just stand there. And why does the Mummy even leave? If he is supposed to kill all our heroes as part of the curse, why does he just kill one and leave when his other would-be victims are right in front of him? Clearly the police weren't going to stop him. This scene is frustratingly stupid and coming near the end of the film, it helps put a nail in the coffin for a movie that started so well.

Like most Hammer Films, Curse of the Mummy's Tomb is still worth checking out for the good moments, but be prepared to be very disappointed by the second half.

MVP: Jack Gwillim (Clash of the Titans) as the old archeologist Sir Giles. Sir Giles is an interesting character, and given an emotional struggle that is more interesting to me than our leads' romantic issues. As the leader of the expedition, he is blamed by the Egyptian government when the artifacts don't end up in a Museum and become part of the sideshow act instead. He is banned from ever entering Egypt again. For an esteemed scientist who has devoted his life to Egypt, its like his life has been taken away. What's a man to do? Drink heavily, I suppose. You really feel for Sir Giles in this movie, and Gwillim puts in a magnificent performance - the sadness in his eyes, the slump of his shoulders - the line deliveries are a beautiful mixture of depression and shame that he couldn't stop King. It's very good work. It doesn't hurt that Sir Giles gets the best confrontation with the Mummy in the film. Gwillim plays the part right, with a mix of terror and resolve as he whips out a pistol and gets ready to go down fighting. His acting makes up for the fact that the Mummy's pot belly kept making me laugh. It ends up being a pretty good scene - and mostly because of Gwillim.

BEST LINE: Alexander King to an Egyptian belly dancer: "You ever learn to do that in ragtime, we'll make a fortune!"

TRIVIA: Michael Carrera's pseudonym as screenwriter, Henry Younger, was an inside joke since his fellow Hammer writer/producer Anthony Hinds' pseudonym was John Elder.

The Gorgon

The Gorgon

What a bummer. The Gorgon is an entertaining enough movie, but with the talent involved it could have been great. One more script rewrite to iron out some plot holes and to clean up the ending, and maybe a slightly bigger budget to help with the special effects, and this movie would have launched from Interesting to Awesome. With the re-teaming of director Terence Fisher and actors Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing (the three who collaborated on Horror of Dracula), I was really hoping for a classic.

The plot is actually almost identical to the Hammer film I just reviewed, The Reptile. There is a mysterious murder in a small town. Relatives of the victim (in this film, the victim's father and brother) come to the town to investigate. The townspeople are suspicious douchebags and attempt to scare the investigators away. There is a creepy doctor (a superb Peter Cushing here) who may know more than he is letting on. And then we have the monster appear in the climax - and just like in The Reptile, the makeup is not that good.

The fact that the plot is familiar isn't necessarily a bad thing. When the formula is done well, who cares if it isn't original? There are large chunks of the movie that are really good. The first half is particularly strong as Professor Heitz (Michael Goodliffe) and his son Paul (Richard Pasco) investigate the murders. The initial Gorgon attacks are all well directed and spooky, with the monster only barely glimpsed in the shadows and through reflections. This is all very effective. The acting is also pretty good along the board. Hammer actresses are not known for their acting ability, but Barbara Shelley turns in a great performance as Carla, the creepy doctor's assistant. Shelley (Dracula: Prince of Darkness) shows once again that she isn't just another pretty face. She is quite good at showing conflicting emotions and is superb at showcasing suppressed dread. The fear is in her eyes, and that's not easy to do.

Unfortunately, once the set-up is established and the movie needs to move forward, things just start to fall apart. Events occur and then nothing comes of it. A medical assistant tries to kill Paul, and that's never brought up again. Characters' motivations become a little too cluttered and contradictory. The climactic fist fight in the haunted castle, while pretty exciting in of itself, doesn't make a lot of sense since both characters are there for the same reason. I'm just glad Christopher Lee shows up in the last reel. His grumpy clear-headedness makes up for everyone else's peculiar behavior.

Overall, this isn't a bad film. Just a missed opportunity. I'm not alone in thinking this. Christopher Lee himself said it was okay, but should have been awesome. And I don't think the comparisons to The Reptile are an accident. John Gilling, who directed The Reptile was one of the scriptwriters on The Gorgon. I have a feeling he went back, fixed a lot of the problems with the storyline, and took a second stab at the tale. And The Reptile is certainly a more consistent movie through and through. But it lacks the star power that The Gorgon has, which is what is frustrating. With Lee and Cushing, this coulda been a classic!!!

MVP: As much as I like Christopher Lee in this movie, he's just not in it enough. He probably has all of ten minutes of screen time. Peter Cushing takes the rest of the film and places it squarely on his shoulders. I know I've given him 3 MVPs already, but I promise they are all deserved! Here, he plays Dr. Namarov, who may or may not be the main villain of the movie. Namarov keeps his private thoughts close to the vest, but he is clearly conflicted between what his heart tells him and what he knows is the right thing to do. If Namarov's final actions in the film don't seem very motivated, it's not Cushing's fault. He sells it completely. Only later, when I think about it, do I go, "hey, wait a second..." Namarov is for the most part a good, strong, meaty character, and Cushing brings everything he has to the role. Well done, sir!

TRIVIA: Though it was suggested to use a wig with real snakes, the producer said no because of time and budget constraints. So instead we get the weird wig with the plastic snakes in the movie. Boo. After watching the movie, the producer realized he had made a big mistake. And Christopher Lee is quoted as saying, "The only problem with The Gorgon is the Gorgon."

BEST LINE: Professor Meister: "Don't use big words, Inspector. They don't suit you."

The Reptile

The Reptile

Considering that The Reptile is the first non-vampire Hammer film I've seen, I wasn't sure what to expect. Interestingly enough, I got more of the same. The Reptile has a lot in common with the vampire movies. It's not terribly original, but is still a solid horror film, mostly due to the efforts of director John Gilling and some good acting.

Charles Spalding has been killed - obviously murdered though the coroner's report reads, "heart failure," and the not so bright townspeople suspect the plague. Charles has left his small house to his brother Harry (Ray Barrett) and Harry's wife Valerie (Jennifer Daniels). Despite the warnings from the friendly neighborhood pub owner Tom Bailey (Michael Ripper) and their creepy neighbor Dr. Franklyn (Noel Willman), the Spaldings decide to move permanently into the little cottage. But then there are more deaths around the town. Can Harry and Valerie solve the mystery of the Reptile before its their turn???

Of course they can. The mystery isn't very hard to figure out. You will know who the Reptile is the second the character arrives on screen. This movie follows a well worn path and there are few surprises in it. But I will admit there are actually a few scares, as well. In the first half of the film especially, there are some surprisingly creepy moments. Director John Gilling makes excellent use of shadows and darkness which create an atmosphere of foreboding even more effectively than in other, better films. There is also an especially good scene involving a sitar performance during a dinner party at Dr. Franklyn's house. The music speeds up, people look at each other uncomfortably and the scene goes bizarrely over-the-top, but is still incredibly effective in creating tension among the guests. This might be the best scene of the movie.

I guess if there is a problem with the film, it is that I was rarely engaged in it. Despite fine acting and solid direction, I found myself intellectually watching it instead of actively being involved in the story. Even during the good scenes, I was thinking, "Huh, that's interesting." instead of "Whoa! That's cool!" I'm not sure if it is the slow, measured pace of the film (which will certainly bother some people used to quicker thrills) or the unoriginality of the storyline, but I just didn't feel involved.

The other problem is the monster itself. I applaud the fact that Hammer tried to use an original creation, but is this really the best they could come up with?








A green mask with crooked teeth and Mr. Potato-Head eyes is not my idea of scary. Thank goodness they don't show this hideously bad looking creation very often!

Ah, well. It's not a bad film, by any means. It's actually a competent, little thriller. But I wouldn't rush out to see it. There are plenty of other Hammers you should watch first. 

MVP: I am going to go with Michael Ripper, a Hammer Films regular. Usually relegated to smaller roles, The Reptile really gives Ripper a good character, Tom Bailey, the local pub owner. In fact, I would say he's the real hero of the film. Though Harry Spalding is the dashing and strong lead, Tom Bailey is the one who actually gets stuff done. Everything that works is his idea - and yet Ripper's performance is humble enough that the audience is tricked into thinking Harry is the hero. Now that is a supporting actor!

TRIVIA: Filmed back to back with Plague of the Zombies, using all the same sets and many of the same actors.

BEST LINE: Mad Peter: "May I please tell you something about myself? It may not be of great interest but might help convince you that what I'm about to say is not a figment of my imagination. May I?"