The #1 Best Christmas Movie of All Time: DIE HARD

Die Hard

You heard it right! Die Hard is not only the greatest action movie of all time, it is the greatest Christmas movie of all time. "Hey, James," you might argue, "just because the movie takes place during Christmas doesn't mean that it is a Christmas movie."

That's true.  But I really do think Die Hard is a great Christmas movie - why, it has all the staples of the Christmas movie genre all integrated and manipulated (some would say perverted) into a nice little explosive package. Both 'Ode to Joy' and 'Jingle Bells' make appearances on the soundtrack. There are Christmas presents ("show him the watch") and Christmas miracles (the FBI). I could even argue that the main story is a re-envisioning of the classic tale of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Rudolph (New York cop John McClane) arrives at a new and unusual place, the North Pole (Los Angeles) where he is out-of-place and unwelcome. At the Christmas party, it is clear that no one wants him there, and they won't let him play their reindeer games. But then a crisis occurs and a horrible blizzard covers the earth (terrorists take over the building) and the reindeer (LA locals) don't know what to do - Oh, no! Christmas is ruined!! But luckily, thanks to Rudolph's shiny nose (a gun and McClane's badassness), Christmas is saved (and a bunch of bad guys are blown up). It is too perfect!

In all seriousness, we all know Die Hard is a great film and I hope we have all seen it. The direction by John McTiernan (Predator) is smooth and intense. Jan de Bont's cinematography is superb, and reminds me how much talent this man has, despite the fact that he went on to become a director of lame films like Twister. The script by Jeb Stuart and Steven de Souza is probably their best work, equally tense and laugh out loud funny. And then there is the cast. This movie made Bruce Willis a star, and deservedly so. His performance as John McClane, the smug, cocky every man is amazing, someone we can instantly relate to and more importantly, believe in. There is nothing super human about McClane in the first Die Hard, unlike the character in the sequels and the heroes in countless other action movies. He gets hurt. A lot. And who does the hurting? Why, arguably the greatest bad guy in movie history, Hans Gruber, deliciously played by Alan Rickman. Hans is so smooth and calculating, you almost want him to win. Almost...

What I like most about the movie is the details - here is one you may not have noticed. The elevator is almost a character; it serves as the harbinger of bad things to come. Without fail, when you hear the elevator bing, something bad always happens. Next time you watch the movie, pay attention and you will see what I mean. I know this is intentional because what happens at the end of the movie when the elevator bings? It fricking explodes. A lovely little punchline to a subtle, running joke!

Okay, enough already. You've seen it. Go see it again. It's that good!


BEST LINE: In a movie full of brilliant lines, I feel I should quote the one that best sums up the holiday spirit of the movie:

Theo: [over the CB] "All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except... the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation. "


MVP: The Grinch who almost stole Christmas himself, Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber. As good as Bruce Willis is, Rickman provided him with the perfect foil. His snake-like performance is cultured, polite, unassuming and absolutely more terrifying than all those loud, over-the-top, showy villains that dominated 80s action films put together. Who else could make a casual conversation about brand name suits sound so menacing?


TRIVIA: Bruce Willis is a lucky man. Almost every leading man in Hollywood turned down this movie (I have no idea why). But the script was read and passed on by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Burt Reynolds, and even Richard Gere before Bruce Willis got his hands on it.

OSCARS NOMINATIONS: Best Editing, Visual Effects, Sound Effects Editing, and Sound.

2nd Best Christmas Movie Ever - It's A Wonderful Life

It's a Wonderful Life (60th Anniversary Edition)

It's a Wonderful Life is a classic for a reason, and it is hard to believe that it was not always regarded as such! In fact, when the movie came out shortly after World War 2, it failed at the box office. I don't really know why. Maybe audiences no longer were interested in the trials and tribulations of 'the every man,' or maybe they were tired of director Frank Capra's sugary sweetness, but either way, the movie tanked. Oh, it got nominated for a few Oscars but I think that was just the Academy being polite to favorite son Capra and recently returned war hero and star Jimmy Stewart.

It's a shame that it did not do well because the movie is superb, possibly the closest thing to a flawless film that either Capra or Stewart made. It took a few years (maybe decades) of repeated television broadcasts to brand the movie into the brains of the next generation and the Christmas classic eventually emerged triumphant.

It's a Wonderful Life is the story of George Bailey, a small town banker who dreams of bigger things, a better life, and traveling the world. But the responsibilities of family and work have kept him home, where it seems his life is growing bleaker by the minute. When it seems the bank will fail, Bailey makes the fateful decision to kill himself, thinking that everyone in his failed life would be better off without him. In the nick of time, a goofy angel named Clarence pops up and decides to actually show the depressed banker what the world would be like without George Bailey.

For a Christmas film, this is fairly dark - not subversively so like Nightmare Before Christmas, but in a reality-based way. The problems of George Bailey and the town are problems we all recognize, especially today in the worst economy since the Great Depression. And I have a friend who hates this movie because of its bleakness. He doesn't understand it and thinks that the lesson of the film is, don't bother having dreams because they aren't going to come true anyway. You're just going to be disappointed in yourself and your life, so why try? I think he missed the point completely. Bailey's dreams don't come true, fair enough.  But what the movie is trying to say is that even if your dreams don't come true, that doesn't mean you are useless, it doesn't mean that you don't make a difference in this world, that your life doesn't have value. Because it does. Every action we take effects someone in some way, and it is our actions that make us good people or not. It's a good lesson, and one worth remembering.

The movie has so many memorable parts - the high school party where the dance floor opens to reveal the school swimming pool beneath, Bailey offering to lasso the moon, the romantic telephone call/first kiss, the bank run, and Bailey's final dash through the town in the middle of a hard snowfall joyfully screaming "Merry Christmas!" The all-star cast brings out the best of the old studio system, with Stewart, Donna Reed, Lionel Barrymore, Thomas Mitchell, Henry Travers, Ward Bond, and countless other faces you recognize popping up and doing what they do best. It's a terrific film, and it is almost the best Christmas movie ever...but one other film beats it...but still, It's a Wonderful Life is superb entertainment, and deserves a spot on everyone's movie shelf.

MVP: I have to give it to Stewart, which is ironic since he wasn't sure he could even play the role. Emotionally drained from World War 2, he was very hesitant to jump back into his movie career, but his experiences only made his performance all the stronger. He is the heart of the film. His George Bailey wears his heart always on his sleeve, whether full of joy or sorrow. This is a man who cares, and we should care about him. And as a sidenote, it is ironic that he lost the Oscar for Best Actor to Fredric March who was playing a veteran returning from World War 2 in The Best Years of Our Lives.


OSCARS: Nominations for Best Actor (Stewart), Best Sound, Best Editing, Best Picture, and Best Director (Capra).


BEST LINE: : Clarence: "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"


TRIVIA: Now this one is a winner! In 1947, an FBI analyst submitted a memo on It's a Wonderful Life, in its file about Communist infiltration of Hollywood. The agent thought it was obvious that the film was an attempt to discredit the American banking community, "a common trick used by Communists."

The 3rd Best Christmas Movie Ever - A Christmas Story

A Christmas Story (Two-Disc Special Edition)

There is certainly a bias that many people have for movies they grew up with. For many of our favorites, our love probably has more to do with our memory than the quality of movie itself (Last Starfighter, anyone?). We're all guilty of this! I am happy to say that A Christmas Story is not such a movie. I did not grow up with it, only watching it for the first time just a few years ago. And the movie deserves its place as a holiday classic.

A Christmas Story follows the Parker family in a small American town in the 1940s. The main character is Ralphie, a cute little kid who needs only one thing to make his life complete: a Red Ryder BB gun. As the holiday looms closer, he struggles to stay on his best behavior through family issues, a difficult essay at school, and the neighborhood bully, all because he wants that Red Ryder gun.

The greatest strength of A Christmas Story lies in how relatable its humor is. Who has seen A Christmas Story and not thought at some point, "Hey, that happened to me!" How many of us as kids were obsessed with some G.I.Joe vehicle or Nintendo game the same way that Ralphie is obsessed with his Red Ryder gun - an obsession that is so powerful to a child that it literally is the end of the world if you don't get it! We've all been there. All of us can relate to it in some way.

Ultimately, that is the film's biggest strength and why it deserves to be on this list. A Christmas Story is OUR Christmas Story. Only maybe a little funnier.

BEST LINE: This line needs no introduction. We all know it...

Ralphie: Oh, fuuuddddggggeeeeee.

Narrator/Adult Ralphie: Only I didn't say fudge.

MVP: As entertaining as the film is, there is a major character who is so perfect that the MVP is in no doubt. And that is Darren McGaven as Mr. Parker, Ralphie's dad. McGaven shines in every scene he is in, whether it is his profanity-laced tirade as he tries to do home maintenance projects or his passionate love for a table lamp that looks like some French prostitute's leg or his delivery of what is probably the second best line of the movie. When looking at the box the leg lamp came in, he reads, "Fra-gee-lay. Must be Italian."

TRIVIA: Here is a crazy bit of trivia for you fans of the film. Can you imagine Mr. Parker being played by someone other than Darren McGaven? How about someone like...Jack Nicholson? Apparently he loved the story and the script, but the stars ultimately did not align. Good thing, too. As much as I like Nicholson, it would've been a completely different film.

The 4th Best Holiday Movie Ever: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

The Nightmare Before Christmas (2-Disc Collector's Edition + Digital Copy)

After the sugary sweetness of Emmet Otter, I think it is appropriate to go for something a bit more sour, and a bit more sinister - the visually inventive, stylishly produced, and devilishly clever Nightmare Before Christmas. Produced by Tim Burton, directed by Henry Selick, and featuring music and songs by Danny Elfman, The Nightmare Before Christmas was a modest hit when it was first released, but has since become regarded as a bonafide holiday classic.

Jack the Pumpkin King is tired of presiding over Halloween. Every year, it's the same old thing - goblins and skeletons and corpses. It gets sooooo old. In short, Jack has lost his faith. After wondering through the woods one night, he comes across Christmastown, and lo and behold, he sees a new way of doing things - there's snow, there's smiles, there are heads still attached to their bodies! Enamored by Christmas, Jack decides to make it his own, kidnapping Santa Claus and ordering his army of witches and ghouls to make toys for children around the Earth. Naturally, he learns the error of his ways. But along the way, we are treated to all sorts of material that is genuinely disturbing - little demon children plotting the best way to kill Santa Claus, skeleton reindeer (of course, the lead reindeer has a shiny red nose), and a horrific sleigh ride on Christmas night. Yet despite how subversive the film is, I am impressed at how the spirit of Christmas still comes through loud and clear, with all its purity intact. It's a delicate balance, but Burton and Co. pull it off.

Everybody brought their 'A' Game to the film, particularly the voice cast and Danny Elfman. He not only wrote a powerful score and several memorable and amusing songs ("Kidnap the Sandy Claws" and "Poor Jack" being highlights), but he also provided the singing voice for Jack.

The film also has one of the best entrances I have ever seen in either a horror or holiday movie. SPOILER: During the opening song, "This is Halloween," the townsfolk of Halloween-town celebrate while a scarecrow lights himself on fire and dives into the town fountain. And in a closeup, we see for the first time, Jack the Pumpkin King, rising from the fountain, enveloped in steam, his shiny skull gleaming in the moonlight, his skeletal face smug in evil triumph. It was an awe-inspiring moment for me, and one heckuva entrance. SPOILER ENDS.

I would not recommend the film for young children. It is perhaps a bit too dark for them. But don't wait too long. As unlikely as it may seem, Jack the Pumpkin King is rapidly becoming a season staple and his adventure should be seen by everyone.

BEST LINE: I don't want to ruin the context of the line, but when Jack howls to the moon, "I AM the Pumpkin King!!!!!" it is impossible not to feel the weight of his faith reborn. Great line, and great line delivery.

MVP: This is a tough call. Should I give it Burton? This was his vision, after all. Or to Selick, who directed that vision? Or Elfman, who so ably provided a dark and comical musical landscape for the vision to inhabit? No. None of them. I have to give the MVP to the team of stop motion animators. Because they actually brought the vision to life. Over three years of painstaking and downright painful work, the stop motion animators made all the characters live and breath, literally millimeter by millimeter. The result is impressive and this hardworking army of workers deserves to be recognized!

OSCAR NOMINATIONS: Best Visual Effects (it lost to Jurassic Park)

TRIVIA: Nightmare Before Christmas is not the first appearance of Jack. He can actually be seen clearly on top of one of Beetlejuice's hats in Beetlejuice (1988) and even showed up in one of Burton's earliest projects, Vincent (1982).

The 5th Best Holiday Movie Ever: Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas (1977)

Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas
I am not sure how many of you have heard of this. It isn't the most famous Christmas movie, nor the most successful, but it might be the sweetest. And as much as I want to roll my eyes and groan, I just found the sugary sweetness of Emmet Otter to be too sincere and too honest. You can't hate. You can only surrender to its warm fuzziness and wrap up in it like a warm blanket.

Directed by the late genius Jim Henson, Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas tells the story of an incredibly poor mother and son, who are struggling everyday to find enough money to eat. These are incredibly selfless people - I mean, uh, otters, and the one thing they want for Christmas is to get a nice gift for each other. There is a holiday pageant coming up so they both decide to enter to win the cash prize. But there is some stiff competition in the pageant as a hard rock band (The Riverbottom Nightmare Band, full of the meanest and slimiest animals) is ready to rock its way to a pageant victory.

So that's the plot. It's simple enough. What makes Emmet Otter a cut above other family holiday entertainment is its realism. A prevailing sense of sadness hangs over the first half of the film, when Emmet laments the death of his father and how he can't get enough work to provide for his mom. This isn't happy stuff. But Henson and Co. use this to teach valuable lessons to children about what is important in life - sticking by your family and being selfless and caring.

There are a few moments that are completely memorable. I loved them as a kid and I still love them now. There is an extended sequence when Emmet and his mother see the river has frozen over. They slide down a hill to the frozen river, and then run back up the hill to slide down again. Something about watching puppets running, sliding, running, sliding, and laughing hysterically the whole time - well, it doesn't really get old. The scene goes on and on and on, but that's fine. Emmet's life is so bleak that to actually see him break into joyful laughter is like sunshine bursting through the clouds. Henson lets this scene drag on because he knows the audience wants it to continue. Let the laughter go on a little bit longer...just a little bit, before Emmet has to go back to reality.

So there you go. I probably have to turn in my Man Card for liking this film. But I guarantee that in the privacy of his TV room, even the most macho guy is smiling at this movie. They just won't admit it!

I mean, look at this face! How could you hate this face???




MVP: Clearly Jim Henson. The man truly was a genius. Emmet Otter was one of his first experiments with using puppets to create a world and tell a long form story. Had the experiments been unsuccessful, we may have not seen The Muppet Movie, The Dark Crystal, etc. etc. He balances the film with the right amount of sentimentality and humor.


BEST LINE: At the pageant, the Riverbottom Nightmare Band sings a song about how bad they are. But because this is ultimately a kid's film, the evil things they sing about include:

"We know we're a mess.
But I does not like to be clean.
We don't brush our teeth'
Cause our toothache can help us stay mean!"

Silly, I know, but I laughed.


TRIVIA: When the movie first came out in 1977, Kermit the Frog gave a short introduction. It had a nice impact; here was a familiar face giving us a brief tour to this new little world. Unfortunately, when the Henson Company gave the Muppets to Disney, they had to edit out the intro because they no longer controlled the rights. Which is a bummer. If you can find the old DVD from a few years ago, you can probably get the version with Kermie's intro...

Movie Review: Day Watch

Day Watch (Unrated)

In 2004, the Russian film industry decided it was time to create their own big budget Hollywood-style blockbusters, and the result was Night Watch, a horror/fantasy film about The Others, beings with special powers. There are Dark Others and Light Others, who after a millennium of war decided they were too evenly matched and are now navigating an uneasy truce. But not for long. Prophecy foretells of The Great One, who will appear and pick a side, Light or Dark, and then that side will be extra powerful and will win the war. Directed by Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted), Night Watch was bizarre and confusing, but just as visually inventive and intriguing. And it made oodles of cash in Russia, where it was an even bigger hit than Lord of the Rings. There was no doubt that the story of the Others was going to continue.

Also directed by Bekmambetov, Day Watch, is not really a sequel so much as a direct continuation - almost as if the first movie never ended. Day Watch throws you right into the action, without re-introducing characters or situations. Some people may applaud this lack of exposition, but I found it jarring. There are SO many characters to keep track of that it is inevitable that you will be pausing the film and asking, "who the heck is that guy again??" The film's visual style is also so bizarre, with crazy cuts and camera angles, and a shifting tone that bounces from horror to slapstick comedy to drama often within the same scene, that you are not able to get your bearings for a good twenty minutes or so.

The film settles down after awhile and you start to realize there is actually a plot - Anton (Konstantin Khabenskiy), our hero from the first film, is framed for a murder that could destroy the truce between the Light and the Dark. For a good chunk of the movie, he is in theory on the run, trying to either hide or run away from the Darks. I say in theory because even though in some scenes the Darks are chasing him, in other scenes he is having casual conversations with these same villains, and even accepts an invitation to his son's birthday party - his son being a pupil of the Dark Lord. So why are they hunting him in some scenes and all buddy-buddy in other scenes? I have no clue. Maybe if I knew Russian it would make more sense, but I somehow doubt it. So much of this movie makes no sense.

I digress. Anton is in this little pickle so he decides to try and find the mythical Chalk of Fate, which allows its user to rewrite past mistakes. He also is trying to resist his romantic urges towards Svetlana, who is the Great One. Or is his son, Yeger, the Great One?  Wait, they are both Great Ones? The prophecy says the Great One will tip the balance in favor of either Light or Dark. If there are two Great Ones, one good and one bad, then doesn't that just maintain the same balance and defeat the whole point of the prophecy and therefore the movie? Huh? I am confused just writing this review - clearly this script was not very well thought out before they committed it to film.

Not to say the film is all bad. For a time, Anton switches bodies with Olga, the stoic second-in command of the forces of Light. This allows for some cute gender reversal jokes, as well as some great acting from Khabenskiy and Galina Tyunina. Tyunina, in particular, has great fun mocking Anton's slouching, slobby gait and horrible manners. Also, as the film powers towards its climactic birthday party battle, I couldn't help but be swept along with the ride as the momentum builds and builds. Shame the climactic fight itself doesn't live up to this effective buildup. Why are some people fighting and other people still dancing and drinking as if nothing is happening? Why are some of the warriors wearing medieval helmets and iron chestplates on their upper bodies, but boxer shorts and sandles below the belt?

Sigh. Day Watch has its fans. I think they are won over by the outlandish special effects and director Timur Bekmambetov's visual style. He certainly has an exciting, over-the-top technique that puts Michael Bay to shame. But its all too much - too loud, too fast, too strange - and the style does not always service the story. In fact, it often makes a confusing story even more confusing. He's got something, though. I'll give him that. If he takes a step back, hammers out a strong narrative and exerts control over his excesses, he probably will end up making some kickbutt action films in his future. He's a director to watch, I think, but I do not suggest you watch Day Watch.


MVP: I have to give it to Galina Tyunina as Olga. Her performance as Anton in Olga's body is the film's highlight performance. Olga is normally cold, humorless, with a rigid ballerina ice queen posture and demeanor. To watch Olga turn into a dirty, unhealthy slouch is a funny and remarkable turn. She clearly studied Khabenskiy's performance carefully because she mimics his way of walking, talking and even facial expressions perfectly. The sequence turns the movie around and refocused me after the jarring first act. The second act up to the climax is the film's strongest section and it may not be a coincidence that Olga is a major player during these scenes.


TRIVIA: A massive hit in Russia, Day Watch was the first film to surpass the $30 million mark. The producers had a feeling this movie would smash all records and even made a joke about it in the film itself. At one point, Anton leaps through and destroys a poster for the movie 9 rota which was the previous box office champ.

Movie Review: Drag Me to Hell

Drag Me to Hell

After the creative debacle that was Spiderman 3, it seems like Sam Raimi had to re-discover his joy of film...what better way to do that than to return to his absurdist horror roots? Drag Me to Hell is a roller coaster, with more real laughs and scares than most horror movies today. It's the type of movie Raimi does better than anyone else.

Alison Lohman plays Christine Brown, a loan officer who denies an old gypsy woman an extension on her loan in an effort to impress her boss. While her actions do end up impressing the boss, it unfortunately angers the old woman so much that she assaults Christine in the parking lot and puts a curse on her. In three days, the demon Lamia will drag Christine to hell. She has three days to find a way to break the curse.

Though there are some gross parts in the film (the, er, bloody nose scene), Raimi doesn't rely on gore. The most effective chills deal with a clever, eerie sound design and some pretty creepy cgi shadows. And as for the humor - wow, it may not be outrageously funny like Army of Darkness, but there are some laugh out loud, absurd moments that are an absolute treat (the aforementioned bloody nose scene).

The cast and crew all perform quality work, with special shout outs to Alison Lohman who shows she can carry a film on her tiny shoulders and to Dileep Rao as the mystic who tries to help her. He's young, and this is his first movie, but we are about to see a lot more of him soon (he must be good because he is both in Cameron's Avatar and Nolan's Inception, two of the most anticipated movies of the next year).  Christopher Young, meanwhile, serves up a top notch score, certainly his best of the 2000s, and right up there with his earlier horror classics.

So all in all, this is a pretty fun time. But most importantly, it sounds like this movie has slapped Raimi out his funk and hopefully reinvigorated the creative director we've been missing.

TRIVIA: Ellen Page (Juno) was originally cast in the lead, but had to pull out because of scheduling problems.

BEST LINE: "I don't want your cat, you dirty pork queen!"

MVP AWARD: Well, Raimi said it best - without a good score this movie would have been nothing. And I have to hand it to Christopher Young for creating some epic horror awesomeness. It's probably not as good a composition as Hellraiser 2, but it still rocks. An eerie violin solo plows its way through the whole movie, never really hitting notes in the right way, always subconsciously throwing you off balance. It's clever stuff. And I think it should have gotten Christopher Young a long overdue Oscar nomination. You should check out my friend Scott's review at http://www.soundtrackdb.com/soundtrack/674/drag-me-to-hell-soundtrack.

Review: What's New Pussycat?

What's New Pussycat

What a joyful chaotic disaster of a brilliant movie! A film that is probably best watched with a group of friends after you've had a few too many to drink - because the cast and crew were probably plastered while making it, What's New Pussycat makes no sense, is horribly misogynistic, and has just as many horrible jokes as it has winners.

Michael James (Peter O'Toole) has a problem. All women love him, and he simply cannot resist their advances. Ordinarily this would be a dream come true, except he wants to marry Carol (the adorable Romy Schneider) so he visits a shrink named Dr. Fritz Sigismund Fassbender (Peter Sellers with a bad haircut - please see the picture above) to cure him of his 'problems.' Of course, Dr. Fassbender, like most Peter Sellers characters, is bat crazy. The movie climaxes in a small little French hotel involving Michael James, Carol, Dr. Fassbender, Woody Allen, a nymphomaniac, an American dancer visiting France on a bongo scholarship, a Viking warrioress, a parachutest who knows James Bond, a jealous husband, police, a Frenchmen with a cherry bomb, and go-karts. If you think that sounds confusing, wait until you see it all in action, because then it is even more confusing!

The movie was pretty divisive when it came out. A lot people (mostly teenage boys) loved it and propelled it to box office glory. The Oscar nominated song by Tom Jones probably helped (most people today know the song, but not the movie that spawned it). Everybody else either found it either offensive or utterly confusing, or both. To me, that's part of the charm. There is such chaos in this movie. The cast clearly had a ball filming it, and that joy is contagious. The performances are uniformly terrific. Sellers is at his best as the Viennese therapist and Peter O'Toole shows he is as good at comedy as he is at drama. I have to be honest - even though Lawrence of Arabia is O'Toole's best performance, his greatest achievement, and my favorite movie, it is What's New Pussycat that totally turned me into an O'Toole fanatic. I have a feeling that in real life, he is just as much of a lovable rascal as he is in this film. And that guy would be a lot of fun to hang out with!

I can't recommend this movie to everyone. I love it, and many of my friends do, as well. If you don't take it too seriously, don't mind a plot that makes no sense, and love these actors, then I say check it out. 

BEST LINE: Too many to choose, but here's one amusing back and forth between O'Toole and his best friend, Victor, played by Woody Allen:

Michael: Did you find work?
Victor: I got a job at the strip joint. I help the models dress and undress.
Michael: Nice job?
Victor: 40 francs a week.
Michael: Not very much.
Victor: It's all I could afford.

TRIVIA: Like it or not, this movie is one of the most important in comedy history. The movie was originally supposed to star Warren Beatty. The script was by newcomer Woody Allen, who had never acted in or written a movie before. As the script progressed, Beatty got annoyed because he felt his character was getting overshadowed by all the other absurd characters. Whether he left the project or was forced out is unclear. But what is clear is that the studio chose Allen over Hollywood's golden boy Beatty. It doesn't end there. The filming of the movie was so crazy, scenes being rewritten the night before by the director or Sellers, actors ab-libbing right and left, that it is no wonder that the film makes no sense. Allen had no say in any of the changes and watched as his first script was mutilated beyond repair. Horrified, Allen swore never to write anything again unless he was able to direct it. And there you go - thanks to What's New Pussycat, Woody Allen began his long and often brilliant directorial career.

MVP AWARD: I think I have to award it to booze. I don't want to condone alcoholism, but I just have a feeling that everyone on set was drunk. I like to imagine that the night before filming a scene, O'Toole, Sellers and director Clive Donner stayed up all night, binging on hooch and rewriting the script. I have never seen such a chaotic, gin-soaked atmosphere captured so well on screen. Sober, the movie would have made more sense. If they had stuck with Allen's script, it would have probably been a better movie. But would it have been as memorable? I highly doubt it...

Movie Review: Tootsie

Tootsie - 25th Anniversary Edition

Let's get this straight - when I was a kid, I didn't really get this movie. It had one or two funny lines, but was it THE awesomely funny cross-dressing movie? Nope. That honor belonged to Miss Doubtfire.

Oh, how things change. Miss Doubtfire still is amusing, I suppose, but when I re-watched Tootsie, I realized how good, clever, and deep a film it actually is. Dustin Hoffman plays Michael Dorsey, a struggling actor and acting coach who pretends to be a middle-aged woman named Dorothy in order to land an acting gig on a General Hospital-like soap opera. While on the show, he falls in love with one of the actresses, played by Jessica Lange. There you go. That's the story. Simple set up.

The movie is dated in some ways - for example, the gender wars and glass ceiling are not as hot button topics as they used to be - but it doesn't make the movie any less effective. It does make it a bit of time capsule for viewers today - "wait, a minute, in the early 80s, bosses could really just walk around and smack their secretaries on the butt?? That's crazy!" It's valuable for people to see that this country had strong walls, equality in the workplace was rare, and it was a struggle to knock those walls down. Maybe seeing how those walls came tumbling down twenty years ago will inspire today's fighters to pull down other walls that need breaking.

But this is comedy, for crying out loud! So let's talk about that. Is it funny? Mostly, yes. Some of the comedy is also dated, but there is just as much that still works. Most importantly, the comedy all comes from character. The movie isn't just about set pieces or slapstick or "look at me, I'm wearing a bra" jokes. The humor comes from character, makes sense in the context of character, and propells the story forward effectively. Dustin Hoffman is fantastic, Bill Murray is at his deadpan best as his playwright roommate (who clearly ab-libbed most of his dialogue, and I thank him for it!), and Sydney Pollack shows he is just as good an actor as he is a director.

I definitely recommend the movie to people who have never seen it, but more to those who already have. As I get older, I find myself connecting with the characters a lot more. These are people with the same emotional problems and insecurities as the rest of us. That level of reality is why it does hold up so well.

BEST LINE: "Look, you don't know me from Adam. But I was a better man with you, as a woman... than I ever was with a woman, as a man. You know what I mean? I just gotta learn to do it without the dress."

TRIVIA: Apparently Dustin Hoffman could be incredibly mercurial on the set. The cast and crew would only give him bad news when he was dressed as Dorothy because they all said "he was much nicer as a woman."

THE MVP AWARD: Jessica Lange won the Oscar for her performance, but I strongly disagree. She does good work, but when it comes down to it, she is the typical wounded, needs-to-be-loved romantic interest. She's had better roles. But has Teri Garr? Also nominated, she plays Michael Dorsey's insecure and gullible acting student and friend. She is brilliant, taking a character who should be whiny, pathetic and desperate and turns her into a sympathetic and deeply funny, funny woman. Every time she is on screen she steals the show. Her fantastic (and earned) temper tantrum at the end of the movie about feminist literature and being in charge of her own orgasm probably got her the Oscar nomination. It should have brought her the Oscar.

Oscars: Supporting Actress (Jessica Lange)

Oscar Nominations: Best Picture, Best Director, Supporting Actress (Teri Garr), Best Actor (Dustin Hoffman), Best Editing, Best Screenplay, Best Song, Best Sound, Best Cinematography.

Blade Runner

Blade Runner - The Final Cut (Two-Disc Special Edition)

Not long ago, the Final Cut of Bladerunner was released on DVD and Blu Ray. With a movie that has had as many versions as Bladerunner has had, I admit I was a bit skeptical. Yet this last version of Bladerunner was overseen by director Ridley Scott himself and unlike George Lucas' revisions on Star Wars, Scott's changes truly do correct errors and enhance the film. Simply put, the Final Cut of Bladerunner is indeed the final and finest version of the film out there.

Most of you have probably already seen the film, and there is no need to go into details on the plot. But for those who have not seen the movie, it is the story of Deckard (Harrison Ford), who is a "bladerunner," a special police officer/detective who tracks down Replicants, androids who are created to look human. Built originally to be servants or soldiers with programmed life spans of a just a few years to keep them in line, a band of Replicants has gone rogue and are loose on Earth trying to find the secret of their existence and the solution to their imminent death.

The movie, re-edited heavily and laden with horrible voiceover narration, was a financial disappointment. But the film picked up cult status early on and subsequent versions have teased its brilliance. Let there be no doubt, with the Final Cut, it is clear that this movie is a brilliant and probably the finest film noir since the 1940s. And at its heart, despite the science fiction elements, Bladerunner is indeed a film noir. From the costumes to the script to the chiaroscuro lighting to the performances, this is classic Hollywood noir. But just as he did with the horror film in Alien, Ridley Scott elevates the genre, turns it on its head and points it in new direction that we have not seen before. The film is a masterpiece, and I use that word rarely!

SPOILER ALERT: There has been much discussion and debate that Harrison Ford's Deckard is actually a replicant himself. This is due to some script inconsistencies and other clues littered throughout the film, such as the unicorn dream sequence. A few years ago, Scott came out and said Deckard is indeed a replicant. Who am I to disagree with the director? But I am going to anyway! I don't buy it. Not only do I feel like the movie doesn't work as well if he is a replicant, but I also think it actually cheapens the film. To me, the major theme of the film is how it is the replicants who act more human, who strive to feel, to be alive. Deckard, cold and calculating like a machine, is only able to rediscover his own humanity through his brutal experiences battling the replicants. That is the power of the movie. To make Deckard a replicant just ruins that and reduces the movie to a gimmick. I am happy that even if Scott says Deckard is a replicant, both the film's stars Harrison Ford and Rutger Hauer also disagree with him! Interesting that the debate rages even within the cast and crew itself...

So to sum up, this film is no longer a cult classic - it is a bona fide classic, one of Ridley Scott's finest moments, and certainly one of the most influential films of the 1980s.

MVP: Despite disagreeing with his replicant revelation, the MVP is clearly Ridley Scott. Scott is always fantastic at creating different worlds that really could be lived in, as opposed to appearing as Hollywood sets, and Bladerunner's rainy, dirty dystopia is one of his best and most influential visions. And there is no better way to see it than in Blu Ray! Very impressive!

Best Line: Rutger Hauer's last words: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die."

Oscar Nominations: Two - Art Direction and Special Effects

updates!

I just realized that for every movie review I wanted to do some quick one hit comments - Most Valuable Player, and Trivia.

So just to catch up:

Couples Retreat:

MVP: A toss up between Vince Vaughn, who as I mentioned, expands upon his usual persona and Malin Aikerman's eyes. The director of photography on this movie knew what he was doing - every shot, her eyes are as vibrant and blue as the Caribbean!

Trivia: Hard to top that the director, Peter Billingsley, was Ralphie in Christmas Story!


Major Dundee:

MVP: Charlton Heston, delivering a knockout career best performance. When the movie is at its best, it's usually because he's upped his game.

Trivia: The role of Captain Tyreen, the Irish Confederate soldier played by Richard Harris, was originally intended for Anthony Quinn...


The Room:

MVP: Tommy Wiseau - Come on! He wrote, directed, and starred in it! His charismatic bad acting keeps you watching! He is the clear MVP!

Trivia: Wiseau managed to raise $6 million dollars to make this film. That's right. It somehow cost $6 million dollars...

Best Line: This one is easy.  These simple three words have become iconic and are certainly repeated often in my household.  "Oh, Hi Mark."

Movie Review: Couples Retreat

How do you review this movie? Is it particularly good? Maybe not. But it's not so bad, either. But you should know what you are getting into. You want to see a brilliant comedy based on a clever scenario - check out Hangover instead. But if it is your wife's birthday and she wants to see a cute little romantic comedy, you could do a whole lot worse.

Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell) are going through a rough patch in their marriage and go to a Couples Retreat vacation resort called Eden. They cajole their friends to go on the trip with them, promising wild fun, water skis and mai tais. Instead, the couples are forced into a couples therapy session by the resort founder and guru Marcel (Jean Reno). Each of the couples are in a different stage of their relationship. Dave (Vince Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Akerman) are married with kids, but seem to have separate agendas with their busy schedules; Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Davis) live under a thinly veiled web of hatred as they wait patiently for their daughter to go to college so they can get a divorce; and Shane (Faizon Love) is still trying to recover from his wife leaving him and is shacking up with a 20-year old party animal named Trudi (Kali Hawk).

The movie is complete formula - it follows a well worn path through the same arguments, the same temptations, and quite often the same jokes as a thousand other movies. But the movie moves along smoothly because the cast, a seasoned package of comedy pros, gets the job done. Kudos to Vince Vaughn, who is actually playing a slightly different character than usual. Oh, he's still the same snide and at times self-absorbed Vince, but there is a maturity and even-handedness that is a tad more three-dimensional and nice to see.

I do have to say that though Jean Reno is amusing in this movie, I think that he now officially has to hand in his Badass Card. The awesome tough guy from Leon, La Femme Nikita, and Ronin has now made too many Pink Panthers and the site of him in a little speedo is one step too far. Goodbye, Jean Reno the Badass. We'll miss you.

I also have to mention that this movie was the first film directed by Peter Billingsley - better known as Ralphie from Christmas Story. I always wondered where he went!!! And for a first movie, it isn't that bad.

Anyway, to sum-up, Couples Retreat is okay. It could have been better, but it pushes through on a good cast and good will. I would probably say either watch it on a date or maybe rent it.

Movie Review: Major Dundee

Major Dundee (The Extended Version)

If not quite the failed masterpiece critics now say it is, the restored version of Major Dundee is a fascinating mess. Directed by Sam Peckinpah, the film is about Major Dundee (Charlton Heston), a disgraced Union major in the waning days of the Civil War who is placed in charge of a Texan prison. Obsessed with finding some way, any way, back into combat, Dundee gathers together a motley crew of soldiers to chase down a renegade Apache warrior who has been attacking settlers. The unit includes Union troops (including an African American unit that is eager to show what they’re made of), local volunteers, drunks and reprobates pulled out of the cells, and Confederate prisoners led by Richard Harris. Together, they gallop down to Mexico, chasing after the Apaches while avoiding the French army (this was during that brief period in the 1860s when a French Emperor reigned in Mexico City). Clearly the small army does not get along, but it is only made worse by the single-minded and cruel Dundee, who lusts for this mission with the righteous fury of Captain Ahab.

Almost more interesting than the movie itself is the story behind the making of the film. Peckinpah, still relatively young in his feature directing career, started filming without a completed script, and it soon became clear he was in over his head. Tempers flew, scenes were delayed, Charlton Heston threatened to kill Peckinpah with his cavalry saber, the production went way over budget, and the studio decided to shut the film down. Ironically, it was Heston who tried to save the movie by offering his salary back to the studio. Reportedly, the studio took the money, but shut production down anyway. They edited the film with the footage they had, but key scenes had yet to be shot. To make matters worse, the studio then cut down the film EVEN MORE before releasing it in theaters. The result…did not fare too well with audiences.

Cut ahead four decades. Sony Pictures had the guts to put the financial resources into restoring the film to as close to its original version as possible. They even hired a new composer to write a more appropriate score. Critics hailed the film as a missing Peckinpah masterpiece. But even the restoration can’t hide problems inherent from the production fiasco – editing is choppy and scenes begin and end in strange ways – evidence that some shots must have been missing. The film is also weighted down by horrible narration that does its best to explain what’s happening, again probably because key scenes were missing. This narration is one of the most grating I’ve heard, the line readings so ridiculously flat they would have been at home in The Room. The movie bogs down with an out-of-place romance that never goes anywhere or resolves in any sort of satisfactory way. And at the end…well, the movie just ends.

But I still recommend Major Dundee, believe it or not! There are major problems (especially in the second half which was being written almost as quickly as it was being filmed), but what is good is GOLD. There are amazing moments, including an impressive cavalry battle near the end, terrific cinematography, and solid acting all around. It is the acting that amazed me the most. I wasn’t surprised that Richard Harris, as the Irish commander of the Confederates, and James Coburn, as the one armed army scout, are terrific. They are always reliable. But Charlton Heston – damn, with his last years so mixed up in politics and his reputation as an over-actor secure, it is easy to forget that the man could act when he wanted to. And Major Dundee is a career best – I have never seen him this good. His Dundee is a stubborn man - cruel, sometimes brilliant, and always antagonistic to everyone and anyone. He is a hard, hard man and the movie is worth watching for him alone. This film is not a study in heroics. It is a study of an ass, an obsessed fool who gets almost everyone around him killed, and it is fascinating to watch. If only Hollywood had had the guts to cast Heston as a real villain, we could have had one of the best! And for all these reasons, I would recommend the film.

The Room - an awesome clip

Hello! For those of you who don't believe me, I wanted to share a 20-second clip of one of my favorite scenes...check this movie out!

Click on this link to experience the awesome badness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISXiFJS9D5A

Movie Review of the Day: THE ROOM

The Room

Wow. 

A movie that needs to be seen to be believed. 

Some claim this is the worst film ever made, and they may be correct. And yes - it is worse than movies like Troll and Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes, or any other b-movies. Movies like that are silly and they know that they are silly. The Room, on the other hand, is trying for high art. The writer-director-star Tommy Wiseau is going for Oscar Gold, and even cites Tennessee Williams as an influence. This is supposed to be searing drama.

It's searing something.

So the plot? Johnny (Tommy Wiseau) loves his girlfriend Lisa (Juliette Danielle), who is sleeping with his best friend, Mark (Greg Sestero). There is also Denny, the 18-year old (maybe?) orphan who keeps trying to jump into bed with Johnny and Lisa (pillow fight!) and who has a deadly problem with a drug dealer - for one scene. That whole plotline appears and then disappears after that one scene. It must be in the movie to show that...hell, I don't know. I just don't what to say. Except this.

YOU MUST SEE THE ROOM. It is magnificent in its badness. It sells out movie screens across the country. It has won Audience Awards at film festivals. And all because of how absolutely dreadful it is! Tommy Wiseau's painful acting, goofy laugh, and strange indeterminate accent is downright charismatic - again, in a horrible way. How did this guy get $6 million to make this movie? He is my new hero!

There are some must-see movies in this world: Citizen Kane, Lawrence of Arabia, the original Star Wars Trilogy, Lord of the Rings. And for entirely different reasons, The Room. It is a must-see. It is a must-see-to-believe.

Welcome to my blog

Hello! I used to write movie reviews when I was back in college, at good ol' Mary Washington in Fredericksburg, VA. And I was starting to miss it. So here I am. I watch a lot of movies and might as well connect it to something productive! Just to give a sense of the type of movies I like - I do like a little bit of everything (though generally musicals are not my cup of tea). I do have an inclination towards movies with swords - it can be the crappiest movie of the year, but if there is a sword I will be sitting in the theater ready to go (and often I regret this - Pathfinder is two hours of my life that I will never get back). In terms of actors, Cary Grant and Peter O'Toole are my big two. One of them I would love to be, the other one I would love to get drunk with! What else? Hm, I guess that is about it! Check back soon for my first review!