Immortals

Immortals

To be honest, I wasn't expecting much from Immortals and unbelievably, the movie did not even live up to those low expectations.  I didn't ask for much.  I just wanted something that looked cool and maybe had a fun fight or two.  That's not too much to ask for with director Tarsem Singh (The Cell), who has a keen eye for the visually stunning.  But right off the bat, I was disappointed.  Even though the movie's art direction seems like it would be cool, I couldn't tell because it is buried under murky photography and is hard to see.  Tarsem also pushes the costumes a bit too far - case in point, please refer to Ares' hat in the above picture.

As for the story, it is standard mythological fare.  King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) wants to release the evil Titans who are trapped in Mount Tartarus, thus destroying the Olympian gods and pretty much bringing about the end of the world.  The gods, led by Zeus (Luke Evans) need to stop him, but don't want to interfere because they think the humans have to exercise their free will or some nonsense like that.  Speaking of the humans, our heroes include Theseus (Henry Cavill), a beautiful oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto), and a random thief Stavros (Stephen Dorff).  Together, they will take us on a classic adventure!

Except it is not so classic.  The movie wasn't good when I was watching it and it got worse the more I thought about it.  I don't even know where to begin with some of the stupidity in this movie.  Unable to write objectively, maybe I will let the characters speak for me.  Be warned, MASSIVE SPOILERS below.  I plan on ruining the whole movie.

Hi, I'm the general of the Greek army.  So we totally have this problem.  This dude named Hyperion is totally like trying to attack Mount Tartarus and release the Titans.  And we have to go somewhere safe because I don't think our remote mountain village is safe enough, even though the only way in is through a single rocky path that can easily be defended by a blind, one-armed chipmunk and maybe an old lady for backup.  But no, it is totally not safe here.  I know - why don't we go to Mount Tartarus!  That's the last thing Hyperion would expect and there is a big wall there, so that's cool.

Hey, I'm Theseus.  Do you know the only thing that Hyperion needs to release the Titans is this awesome Epirus bow?  And I totally found it in this little cave in my easily defended remote mountain village where Hyperion will never find it.  But you know what?  Even though this bow is pretty much useless to me but super important to him, I think I will take it out of its hiding place and away from the easily defended remote mountain village because it looks nice and creates cool laser arrows.  And I am totally not going to walk into that obvious ambush.  Oh, bummer, I totally just walked into an ambush.

Hi, I'm Zeus.  Even though the Titans are my mortal enemies and unleashing them will bring about the end of the world, I am not going to let the other gods interfere with events below on earth.  In fact, I am so confidant that the kid Theseus is up to the task, that I am totally going to kill any of my fellow gods who try and help him...oh, snap!  My own children just helped him.  Theseus walked into an ambush, so my son Ares saved his life and my daughter Athena gave him super fast horses to catch Hyperion before he can attack Mount Tartarus.  I guess I am going to have to execute Ares with my slow motion fire whip.  Not a big deal; I don't really even have a need for a God of War because I am that confidant that Theseus will kick butt.  So, Ares can die.  But I will let Athena live because she's blond and her hat doesn't intimidate me.  And Theseus can keep those lightning fast horses because that's totally not interfering at all...

So...Zeus here again.  Theseus totally wasn't up to the task.  Hyperion fired the Epirus bow and released the Titans from their prison.  And now these goofy bastards are running around in circles like over-caffeinated teenagers after prom, and it is up to me and my other four gods to fight them now.  I totally could have used a God of War right about now.  Damn it.  

Last entry - Zeus.  So I lost all three of my fellow god buddies, but managed to defeat all the Titans. But not really!  Fooled you!  I am actually floating in the clouds, waging an eternal battle against millions of Titans.  But no worries, because I also now have millions of other good guy gods who just magically happen to be hanging out in the clouds, helping me out.  But you know what I just realized, I blew this whole problem out of proportion to begin with.  Because releasing the Titans totally didn't bring about the end of the world.  I know that because I just visited Theseus' son and he's a cute, little kid living in a remote little mountain village whose main square is overwhelmed by a giant plastic statue of his dad.  So the world is at peace.  And I am up here in the heavens, fighting a war that will last forever because I am stupid.  Zeus out.

Wait, I know what you are thinking, "James, the bad guys win?" Yes, yes, they kind of do.  But you know, it doesn't even matter because it has NO IMPACT in the world whatsoever.  We even have inspiring, happy ending ending music to trick us into thinking the good guys won.  But they didn't. So why the hell did they even make this movie?

Sure, there are a few moments here that I like.  I like that Tarsem depicts the gods as all young and beautiful (because let's face it, if you were a god, wouldn't you want to make yourself buff for all eternity?).  Luke Evans and Mickey Rourke seem to be having fun.  And the final fight between Theseus and Hyperion looked like it could have been pretty brutal if the camera had held still for a second.  But I don't want to talk about the good moments because they are few and far between and it all adds up to nothing.  This is a big, fat turd.  And the more I think about it, the more stinky it gets.

MVP:
I guess Luke Evans.  Despite the fact that the story forces Zeus to do something stupid time and time again, Evans approaches the role with enough dignity that I almost believe his actions.  Almost.  Evans is believable if his actions are not.  And he does approach the role with a charismatic physicality that is probably more in line with mythology than the old, wizened Zeus we normally see in movies.  I actually liked Evans a lot and hope he gets more work, despite this movie.

BEST LINE:
Ugh, do I have to think of one?  Bleah.

Contagion

Contagion

What if a super virus swept across the world, wiping out millions of people?  Hollywood has played with this idea before, but the result is usually a zombie movie or an action flick where Dustin Hoffman darts across the country looking for a diseased monkey, both of which are equally unrealistic to me.

So kudos to Steven Soderbergh's Contagion, which tries to depict what would really happen if the world was struck by a killer virus.  The movie does not necessarily tell a story in a traditional narrative sense - instead it throws in almost a dozen characters dealing with the virus in their own ways, which allows the audience to trace the growth of the MEV-1 virus and the ways it starts to rip society apart at the seams.  And the cast that Soderbergh has gathered for these different perspectives is superb - look at this: Laurence Fishburne, Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet, Elliot Gould, Jude Law, Jennifer Ehle, Marion Cotillard, Bryan Cranston, John Hawkes, Sanaa Lathan.  It's quite a cast.

In some ways, this scattered narrative is the weakness in the film, preventing us from fully understanding the stories of some of the characters.  For example, Marion Cotillard's storyline starts as perhaps the most interesting - she is sent to Hong Kong to find the origin of the virus - but then her story takes a strange turn.  While I understand it from an intellectual level, I don't buy how it occurs in the movie.  It just feels like she is missing one or two key scenes to make her character work.   The same thing is true with Jude Law, who plays a blogger who rages about conspiracy theories and ends up contributing to the panic sweeping across the globe.  I had trouble understanding the ins and outs of what he was doing; I just knew he was not a good guy (of course, they make sure we know he's not a good buy by giving Jude Law a weird prosthetic tooth.  Only bad guys have weird teeth like that.  Unfortunately, this makeup decision backfires.  I probably missed important plot details because I couldn't pay attention to anything except that damn tooth!).

Then again, in some other ways, this fractured storyline is also a strength because it prevents the movie from falling into a Hollywood formula and keeps the whole crisis realistic and grounded.  Presenting the story this way makes it clear that this could happen to us someday.  The true horror of Contagion is seeing how easily this virus could spread, by shaking hands, by breathing on a casino chip for good luck, by simply holding onto a handrail on the bus.  These small moments are given great importance in Contagion because they are the mundane actions that would kill us if a super virus really did strike.  And that makes Contagion more scary than all the Saw movies combined.

I have to give the movie big props in one other way.  All too often, science is portrayed as either nerdy or dangerous in movies.  Contagion makes science cool.  It's rare to see the government in a positive light in the film, it is even more rare to see the government scientists as the real heroes.  I thought that was awesome and it was nice to see.

So all in all, Contagion is a solid film, not without some serious problems, but still a really good piece of work.  It is well-written, superbly acted, and thought provoking.  I feel with a little more work and a little less fake teeth, it could truly have been great.

BEST LINE:
Dr. Cheever: "We don't need to weaponize the bird flu.  The birds are doing that."

MVP: SPOILER ALERT!  The storyline that hit me the most was that of Dr. Erin Miers, played by Kate Winslet.  Miers is sent to Minnesota, where the virus seems to have entered the United States.  She has a tough job, tracking down the possible carriers, setting a triage for the inevitable deluge of infected, and all while dealing with a narrow-minded city council that doesn't want to stress out the town during the holidays.   But Miers goes through with her work, carefully and efficiently.  So imagine her surprise when she wakes up in the middle of the night, hacking and running a high fever.  Here is an example of what should be most frightening to all of us: someone who did everything right, who should not have gotten sick, and yet she still got hit with the virus.  And out of all of the characters in Contagion, it was Miers' fate that I was most concerned about.  The question of whether Miers would live or die had me hooked for the whole movie.  I give much of the credit to a low key, simple, but superb performance from Winslet.  In a movie full of great actors, she stood out.  So she wins the MVP!

Ronin

Ronin 

There is no denying the versatility of Robert DeNiro, one of the greatest actors of his generation.  The man can do almost anything, though he is best known for his gritty dramas, gangster films, and more recently, his comedies.  For me, none of these genres feature the DeNiro I prefer.  I actually like action badass DeNiro the best.  I know this is blasphemy in most circles, but I would rather watch DeNiro beat people up in Heat and Midnight Run then watch him go through the emotional wringers in classics like Raging Bull or Taxi Driver.  And I am not embarrassed to admit that!

And DeNiro is in fine badass form in Ronin, a robust and smart thriller from the late 90s, directed by John Frankenheimer (The Manchurian Candidate) and featuring an amazing cast includes Jean Reno (The Professional), Natasha McElhome (The Truman Show), Sean Bean (Lord of the Rings), Jonathan Pryce (Brazil), and Stellan Skarsgard (Good Will Hunting).

The film is smarter than your average action flick, which is immediately obvious from the title.  Ronins were masterless samurai, who wandered the countryside looking for work or hiring themselves out as mercenaries.  Our heroes in Ronin are in a similar dilemma.  They are all special forces or former intelligence operatives from both sides of the Iron Curtain.  Now that the Cold War is over, they find themselves devoid of any purpose and willing to be hired by the highest bidder.  The bidder in this case is an extreme branch of the IRA, who want to steal an extremely valuable and important briefcase, the contents of which are top secret.

What follows is a wild and crazy jaunt through France, with some terrific gunfights and two AMAZING car chases.  There is a lot of quality in Ronin, starting with the terrific cast.  Everyone carries their weight, with DeNiro providing an especially smart performance that anchors the film.  The script is also excellent, full of tough guy one liners provided by excellent playwright and filmmaker David Mamet.  I also like that the script refuses to dumb itself down for the audience.  Our cast is playing catchup for most of the movie and we are in the fog with them.  The movie is not confusing, but it is definitely complicated and lacking in any kind of exposition, so you definitely need to pay attention.  But again, I think this is all a good thing!

It is a shame that the film starts to fall apart in the last half hour.  It's not that the film becomes bad.  I suppose the problem is that it just runs out of steam.  There is so much momentum building to that second car chase at the 2/3 mark, that everything after it seems kind of blah.  And when your climactic fight is kind of blah, that's a problem.

But this doesn't change the fact that for most of its running time, Ronin is a tough and fantastic thriller, with great writing, expert direction and top notch acting.  I miss this DeNiro.  I wish he would stop making Focker movies and pick up a gun again.


MVP:
As much as I like Robert DeNiro in this movie, he is not the MVP.  The MVP goes to Car Chases.  This may seem silly, but when you see the movie you will understand.  These are two of the most exciting car chases I've seen, the second of which might actually be the best car chase I have ever seen.  I know Bullett is the gold standard of car chases, but DeNiro's run through the back streets of Arles blows it out of the water.  Not even a contest.  So for me, this is an easy one!

BEST LINE:
Spence: You ever kill anybody?
Sam: I hurt somebody's feelings once.

TRIVIA:
David Mamet worked on the film as a script doctor, but actually rewrote huge portions of the story and dialogue.  There was a dispute about who should get what credit, with the WGA ruling that the story and top script credit should go to the original writer, J.D. Zeik.   Mamet then asked for his name to be either removed from the credits or replaced by his pseudonym, Richard Weisz.  I don't have an opinion on this because I don't know how much work Zeik did.  He may have done a lot and deserved his credit, for all I know.  But I do know that the best dialogue sounds like Mamet, and I'm willing to bet that he is responsible for much of the final product.  The final credits do read J.D. Zeik and Richard Weisz.