Shaolin Soccer

Shaolin Soccer

Sometimes a movie comes along out of nowhere and just sweeps me off my feet. That is what happened in 2001 when I first saw Shaolin Soccer, a movie that is equal parts bizarre, random, hilarious, and brilliant. Having just watching this movie again last week, I am happy to report that it is still just as bizarre, random, hilarious, and brilliant!

Mighty Steel Leg Sing (played by Chow) is a poor trash collector, but an enthusiastic martial artist with one helluva kick. His dream is to teach the world the benefits of Shaolin and he has been looking for the right platform all his life. After several failed attempts (including a disastrous attempt to wed Shaolin with showtunes), Sing decides that playing soccer is the best showcase for exhibiting his Kung Fu prowess. He gathers his old classmates from the Shaolin temple - Iron Shirt (Kai Man Tin), Iron Head (Yut Fei Wong), Light Weight (Chi Chung Lam), Lightning Hands (Kwok-Khan Chan), and Hooking Leg (Chi Ling Chiu). Along with their coach, former player and now hobo Golden Leg Fung (Man Tat Ng), the Shaolin team enters the soccer competition.

Wow, what a gloriously crazy film. This movie really does have everything. Great fights, good laughs, a slight undercurrent of class struggles in modern day Hong Kong (I'm serious!), a funny romantic interest in steamed bunmaker Mui (Wei Zhao), and fantastic bad guys - the opposing soccer team, The Evil Team. You know they are evil because they are actually called The Evil Team, use American steroids and literally emanate evil from their bodies. The final game between The Evil Team and the Shaolin Team is probably the most epic sports battle in history.

Some people may not like the movie as much as I do. It does take its time to get the plot moving, though I appreciate the pace since I get to know the insane characters better. Other people may not appreciate the broad humor. And I feel sorry for those people.  Shaolin Soccer is my 'happy movie.' There are movies I like more, I own movies that are better made, but I don't think any film makes me as happy as this one. See it. 

MVP: The triple threat - writer, director and star Stephen Chow (who also made Kung Fu Hustle) is a mad genius. Chow excels at all his positions - the movie brims with energetic creativity in its script, directing and central performance. I particularly like that Chow's character Sing isn't perfect, even though he is so pure-hearted. His enthusiasm hurts a lot of people, literally. Just look at how he beats up the nice Puma salesman because he is so excited to be getting new shoes! It's a great performance in a great movie.

BEST LINE: Every time I see it, I have a new favorite line. My current favorite is...

Upon entering the stadium for the first time, well before the game begins -

Sing: "Thank you! Thank you, audience, for your support! Thank you!"
Iron Head: "That is only the cleaning staff."
Sing (slapping him): "Cleaning staff is audience, too."


TRIVIA: In the Italian version of the film, all the main characters were dubbed by professional soccer players.

Love and Other Drugs

Love and Other Drugs

Based on the trailers and marketing, Love and Other Drugs really seemed like your typical romantic comedy. What we were supposedly watching is a movie about a charming, but kind of soulless pharmaceutical rep Jamie Randall (Jake Gyllenhaal) who meets a free spirit and feisty young artist type Maggie Murdock (Anne Hathaway). They fall in love, she teaches him how to really feel something, there's a fight, then there's a mopey montage, and well, we all know the formula by now.

While that is the general flow of the movie, it is not what the movie is about. I don't care if some people consider this a spoiler - I think it is important to know - Maggie has Stage 1 Parkinson's Disease, and that illness colors every single decision made in the movie. The maturity with which this topic is tackled is impressive, and it changes the movie. Suddenly, Jamie's decision doesn't just come down to whether or not he can find the maturity to have a real relationship; the decision now is does he have what it takes to also take care of someone else who someday won't be able to take care of herself? Love and Other Drugs takes this topic head-on and handles it gracefully and refuses for the most part to get overly sentimental (well, for the most part).

The movie is aided immensely by good performances from both Gyllenhaal and Hathaway, both of whom do a good job of building three-dimensional characters. These aren't Hollywood archetypes; they're people who have both good and bad qualities. The supporting cast, including Hank Azaria, Oliver Platt, and Judy Greer also put in some terrific work.

Pity then that the movie is almost destroyed by Jamie's younger brother Josh (Josh Gad), a multi-millionaire slob who walked in from a gross-out rated-R comedy. It's not that Gad delivers a bad performance; it's that his character does not belong in here. He is such a cartoon character, yelling profanities all the time, groping every woman he can, proudly proclaiming his addiction to internet porn, and indulging in all sorts of other ridiculous antics that don't belong in this movie. Maybe director/producer Edward Zwick (Last Samurai) felt like he needed some comic relief. I don't know why. Gyllenhaal and Hathaway's charms provide more than enough chuckles. But Josh is a ridiculous caricature; whenever he makes an appearance the movie veers into over-the-top Hangover territory that threatens to undermine the entire film.

Some people won't like this movie, whether it is because of the well-trodden central narrative or because of Josh, but I think if you can block that out, you will enjoy yourself. It's a good movie and deeper than you would think. It could have been great if the filmmakers had just had the courage to stick with Gyllenhaal and Hathaway and leave the crazy comedy alone.

MVP: Gyllenhaal is good, but this is Hathaway's movie, hands down. Not only does she do a good job with the physical toll Parkinson's can take even in its early stages, but she telegraphs the emotional toll it takes, as well. Yes, she is defensive and maybe overly sensitive at times. But the way she plays it, you can't blame her. She is also very fun and witty, and it is easy to see why Jamie would fall for her. Just look at the way she smiles so broadly and genuinely at Jamie and then the second he looks away, her smile fades as the reality of the situation hits her. She's not faking the smile. That would be too easy. She is really at the happiest and worst moment of her life simultaneously, and Hathaway embodies those complexities beautifully. It's a great performance.

TRIVIA: When designing the sex scenes (of which there are many), Zwick asked his leads to watch the famous romantic comedies or sexually themed films, including everything from
9 Songs to Last Tango in Paris to 1959's Pillow Talk. They discussed what they liked most about the movies' romantic scenes and Zwick tried to incorporate these moments.

BEST LINE: Jamie: "Hey Lisa." Bruce: "Her name's not Lisa." Jamie: "I know. But if every time I say "hey Lisa," she'll think I dated a girl who looked just like her. She will develop this unconscious need to win my approval. And from there, it's cake."

The Expendables

The Expendables

After rejuvenating his career and saving Rocky and Rambo from the depths of crappiness, Sylvester Stallone turned his attention to the straight action movie. This is old school action. when men were manly men, good is good, bad is bad, and the explosions are big. Simply put, The Expendables is Stallone's love letter to the big, dumb 80's action movie.

And like a dumb 80's action movie, the plot is pretty simple. The Expendables are a rugged group of mercenaries led by Stallone that is hired to take down a dictator in a small Latin American island. Done. Synopsis over.

But look at the cast he's assembled to play his combatants! Stallone is joined from the some of the big tough guys of the last twenty years - Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Mickey Rourke, and Terry Crews (plus a nice cameo from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger). That's an impressive roster of muscle.

Unfortunately, Stallone is a little too accurate to the 80's action film because he picks up the bad parts elements of the genre as well as the good. So that means the women characters are all there to be saved by our heroes and have no role or personality other than that. It also means the writing is stiff and the humor...well, these guys are all trying really, really hard to be funny. They want to be witty, spitting out one-liners and little jabs at each other, but it is all forced and painfully unfunny. For example, the big joke of one scene is when Statham introduces himself and Stallone to a pretty girl by saying, "I'm Buda and he's Pest." Hahahah, it's a pun, get it? Budapest! It's a city in Hungary! Plus, he called Stallone a pest. Hahahahaha.

Sigh.

The movie is full of awkward dialogue like this. I guess Stallone didn't learn something very important that two decades of hindsight should have given him. The 80's one liners were rarely funny unless they were spoken by Arnold. He's the only action star who could combine bad ass and comedy so effortlessly. Everybody else was just trying too hard. This movie shows that this rule still rings true.

But that's not to say the movie is all bad. If it is one thing we lost since the heyday of the action movie, it's that now every movie needs to have story arcs, character development, and all that fancy stuff that makes for good cinema. But what Stallone understands is that these movies aren't meant to be good cinema. They are meant to be explosive and fun. Who wants character development? I just want to see Stallone knock the crap out of Steve Austin! Instead of each character having a subplot, we wait for each character to have his big 'action' moment. And Stallone is nice and gives each character a standout fight, which is nice to see. He takes advantage of his cast's prowess.

So there you go. Once the characters stop talking and start punching, it movie starts to become a whole lot of fun. So good for Stallone for resurrecting a certain type of movie in all its good and bad glory. If this is your type of thing, you're in for a treat! 

BEST LINE: Yin (Jet Li): "I need more money. I work harder than the rest." Barney (Stallone): "No, you don't." Yin: "Yes, I do. Everything is harder for me. When I'm hurt the wound is bigger, because I am smaller. When I travel, I need to go farther."

MVP: This one is easy. As fun as it was to watch all these tough guys in a movie together, they were all upstaged by one thing - the automatic shotgun. Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) has a shotgun that he brags about early, and then you kind of forget about it. But when he unleashes that puppy during the movie's climactic battle...WOW. Best word to describe it.

TRIVIA: Stallone tried to gather even more old school tough guys for the movie, including Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Siegal, and Wesley Snipes. They all couldn't participate for one reason or another. Well, there's always the sequel!  UPDATE: So the sequel is has now come out and sure enough, Stallone nabbed some nice additions to his cast, throwing Van Damme and Chuck Norris into the mix, along with bigger parts for Schwarzenegger and Willis.  For the third film, I hear he is hunting Wesley Snipes and Harrison Ford!

The Mummy

The Mummy

The foundation for Hammer Films was laid with three adaptations of classic movie monsters - Horror of Dracula, Curse of Frankenstein, and The Mummy - all directed by Terence Fisher, written by Jimmy Sangster and starring Peter Cushing as our hero and Christopher Lee as the monster.

The Mummy was the final of these three and while it is certainly the best of the Mummy films, it doesn't hold a candle to Horror of Dracula. The setup is simple and the same as most Mummy films. A team of archeologists led by Professor Banning (Felix Aylmer) and his son John (Peter Cushing) unearth the tomb of Ananka, the Egyptian priestess of Karnak. This of course pisses off the mummy that is guarding her tomb (Christopher Lee). The normal hijinks, curses, and murders ensue. What makes the film fun to watch is a committed cast of professionals (there really is not weak link in the acting department) and a Mummy that is genuinely cool looking. Unlike the silly looking bandages of the monsters in the later films, Christopher Lee's wrapping is actually pretty gross. He's muddy and moldy and dangerous.

The good parts of the movie also include the fights between the Mummy and John Banning. They are actually pretty rough for the 1950s and are some of the better fights of the franchise. I also really like the sinewy score by Franz Reizenstein. The main theme is terrific.

So its a pity that the movie just doesn't completely gel together. It really feels a bit sluggish in places, especially when it spends time on the little villagers, who I suppose are meant to be comic relief. Ultimately, they just drag the film down. And after a very effective buildup, the climax is a bit of a letdown. Overall, though, The Mummy is not bad. A bit slow in places, but still entertaining. I would recommend it. Just make sure you see the Dracula movies first!

MVP: Gotta give this one to Christopher Lee. I once foolishly thought that it didn't take talent to be a Mummy in a Mummy film. All you have to do is lumber around and kill people. But as I learned in this franchise's sequels, The Mummy's Shroud and Curse of the Mummy's Tomb, it really isn't so easy to be a Mummy. The monsters in those movies are not scary, at best - and at worst, they are laughable. Christopher Lee shows them how it should be done - he portrays the menace, but also the emotion. He is a conflicted mummy, after all. He cares more about Ananka (and John's wife, Isobel, who happens to look exactly like her) than he does about killing people. Lee makes all this clear with his body language and his eyes alone. It's pretty good stuff. Besides, he also deserves the MVP because of the Trivia below.

TRIVIA: Poor Christopher Lee. The Mummy is supposed to burst through a door during one attack. A grip on the set accidentally bolted the door shut right before filming. Luckily Christopher Lee was strong enough that he broke through the door anyway, but he dislocated his shoulder in the process. And then he threw his back out carrying Yvonne Furneaux through the forest. And then he bashed up his knees and shins on the swamp set because he couldn't see all the pipes and fittings underneath the murky water. And finally - those awesome little explosives that set off when Cushing shoots the Mummy with the shotgun (a super cool effect in the film) were extremely painful and left Lee with burn marks for weeks. All in all, a pretty painful gig...

BEST LINE: John Banning trying goad a potential bad guy into revealing himself:

John: "Karnak was not a very important diety. A third rate god."
Mehmet: "Not to those who believed in him."
John: "Perhaps not. But their standard of intelligence must have been remarkably low."

Unstoppable

Unstoppable

With a fairly unmemorable title and an even more forgettable advertising campaign, Unstoppable has surprisingly done well at the box office. The only thing I can think of is that word of mouth is helping this train move forward, since the film is actually a lot better than you would expect. It isn't a must-see or a brilliant thriller that rocked my world, but it is a lean and efficient movie, well-crafted and suspenseful.

Due to a series of idiotic blunders, a massive freight train with containers of explosive chemicals starts down the railroad line at top speeds, with no driver. The train company, represented at the local level by Connie (Rosario Dawson), tries desperately to stop the train before it gets to a major city, where it will likely derail and explode. To add to the problem, veteran conductor Frank (Denzel Washington) and rookie Will (Chris Pine) are on the same track, heading on a collision course straight toward the rogue train. And then there is also that train of school children on a field trip - oh no!!

Sounds like there isn't much to it, and really there isn't. But in the hands of a capable crew, the film is actually enjoyable. The cast all performs admirably, with the younger Pine holding his own against always reliable Denzel. Director Tony Scott (Top Gun) tones down the visual excesses that have marred his recent films and actually has made his best movie since 2001's Spy Game. The film is well-edited, well-paced, and doesn't feel the need to add a thousand explosions at the end. It's just all about stopping a train.

I don't think you should rush out to see Unstoppable. But it's worth a rental or a viewing on FX, certainly. It's just a solid, little movie.

MVP: I'm actually bypassing the big guns and going for character actor Lew Temple (21 Grams) as Ned. He is a quirky dude, with his sunglasses, cowboy hat, pickup truck and unkempt appearance. I'm not really sure what his job description is, but he seems to be the local train company's resident problem solver. Most of the movie, he is zooming alongside the train in his red pickup truck, waiting for the right moment to make a move to help, and yelling at random people about precision. It's an amusing performance and I smiled whenever he popped up on the screen.

TRIVIA: Chris Pine performed all of his own stunts, which is pretty impressive since they have him doing some dangerous things on that train car.

BEST LINE: Will: "This is Will Colsin, the conductor speaking; just to let you know we're gonna run this bitch down."

OSCAR NOMINATIONS: Best Sound Editing

Total Recall

Total Recall

First the bad news. Total Recall is over two decades old. When I realized that, I felt horrible. My back started aching, I thought I felt some arthritis in my knees, and a few more hairs turned gray. What the hell. I remember this movie coming out like it was yesterday. It can't be that old, can it? Is that possible?

And now, the good news.  Total Recall is just as awesome as it always was. Oh, maybe there are a few things that date the film here and there. Some of the hair styles, clothing, sets, and even some filmmaking aspects like the camera angles make it clear that this is a 1990 film. But nothing can hold this movie back from its rip-roaring, eye-bulging, exploding coolness.

Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Doug Quaid, a humble construction worker on Earth. One day, he decides to visit Rekall, a company that sells vacation memories - providing you with the memory of an awesome trip without all the hassles of lost luggage, annoying locals, and tipping waiters. Arnold's vacation is a fantasy package that allows him to be a secret agent. The problem is, the Rekall people accidentally unlock a previous memory implant. Maybe Doug Quaid really is a secret agent. He certainly doesn't think he is...but then why is that gang of gunmen chasing him all of the sudden? The adventure that follows is a whirlwind ride, leading Quaid from Earth to Mars, where he finds himself into the middle of rebellion and intrigue.

On the superficial level, the film is a blast. Big explosions, fun villains (played by Ronny Cox and Michael Ironside), beautiful women (Sharon Stone and Rachel Ticotin), weird mutants, superb special effects, more explosions, this is an action-packed movie. But what makes it a cut above the other action flicks of the period is that it is actually very smart, thanks to a clever script by Dan O'Bannon, Ronald Shusett, and Gary Goldman. Believe it or not, it is almost Hitchcockian in its story loops - I know all those stuffy film lovers who love Hitchcock and hate Schwarzenegger are now flicking me off. But I dare them to take another look at this movie. If Hitchcock had ever directed a science fiction film, it would be this. It would certainly be less violent, but the story structure would probably be very much the same. The mistaken identities, the suspenseful double crosses, and the journey of the everyman into the hero have a lot in common with North by Northwest, The Man who Knew Too Much, and other Hitchcock greats.

And how about Arnold Schwarzenegger? He will also be best known as the Terminator and rightfully so, because it is such an iconic role and performance. But I have always felt that Total Recall plays more to his strengths as an actor - he plays befuddled and confused really well, and his unique gift is that he can do this while also being believably badass at the same time. And I don't care what people say about him as an actor, he has great comic timing, which is something this movie lets him play with in spades. Is it his best movie or his best role? Nope. But it might be his best performance.

You know, now that I think about it, maybe Total Recall being so old isn't such a bad thing. A movie needs to be at least 20 years old to be considered a classic. And I'm happy to report that Total Recall fits that description pretty damn well.

MVP: This one is tough. Arnold and Verhoeven are in peak form. The music by Jerry Goldsmith is one of his personal best scores and truly elevates the movie. But I think the winner is going to have to be a team of technicians led by Eric Brevig, Rob Bottin, Tim McGovern, and Alex Funke. This is the special effects team, and their work is truly superb. This is old school special effects at its finest, at its most perfect form, before CGI took over everything. Total Recall relies on matte paintings, miniatures, puppets, and all of it is almost seamless. The special effects were so good that the film won a Special Academy Award for the achievement. And they are still really good even today. Only in a few places do they show their age. For the most part, it looks even better than CGI. So for that, the special effects team gets worthy MVP.

BEST LINE: Quaid: "Consider that a divorce."

TRIVIA: Patrick Swayze was cast as Doug Quaid at one point, early in development. Nothing against Swayze, but that would have been...a different movie.

OSCARS: Special Achievement Award for Special Effects

OSCAR NOMINATIONS: Best Sound Effects Editing and Best Sound. Goldsmith was robbed. He wasn't even nominated. :(

SPECIAL NOTE: SPOILER. I think I need to discuss the ending of Total Recall. Heavy spoilers here, so don't continue if you want to preserve the surprise. In some ways, Total Recall was the Inception of its day. There are blurred lines of reality, and there is some question about whether the whole movie takes place in Arnold's head. Is the whole movie actually the vacation that Quaid purchased? There is a lot of debate about this. I personally think the movie IS in his head. Here's why: the vacation package he buys is called "Blue Skies on Mars." That's what happens by the end of the movie. The sequence of events described by the salesman is exactly like the sequence of events as played out in the film. The brunette in the computer program just happens to look exactly like the girl he meets on the adventure.

And where does the dude with the briefcase come from? Cohaagan doesn't yet know that Quaid has been 'activated,' so there is no way he could have sent the briefcase guy in, as the film later claims. No, that scene only works in the context of the 'mystery spy movie,' like one that has just been planted in Arnold's head. Need more proof? Let's go for something literal. When the Rekall spokesman is trying to convince Arnold that everything is a dream, he says that if he isn't careful, "the walls of reality could come crashing down." What happens next? The wall literally crashes down and a bunch of gun-toting bad guys charge through it. The whole movie is totally in his head. I'm sure of it!

Predators

Predators

Well, I have to give producer Robert Rodriquez (Desperado) and director Nimrod Antal (Kontrol) credit. Their hearts were in the right places. They looked back at the history of the Predator franchise and watched as it was bogged down in a futuristic city in the first sequel and then dragged through the mud in two ridiculous 'vs. Aliens' movies.

So if Predators doesn't quite hit the mark, it's not through lack of trying. The basic plot is a fun extension of the original. Various ruthless killers from around the globe are gathered together and parachuted into a strange jungle. They include a mercenary (Adrien Brody), a sniper (Alice Braga), a Russian soldier (Oleg Taktarov), an African rebel (Mahershalalhashbaz Ali), a Japanese Yakuza (Louis Ozawa Changchien), a Mexican cartel enforcer (Danny Trejo), a murderer (Walter Goggins), and also a doctor (Topher Grace, onboard for some comic relief). It doesn't take long before this group of hunters realize that they are now the ones being hunted - by a trio of vicious Predator aliens. If you've seen the originals, you know what you're in for. If you are new to the franchise, then you are about to watch some giant, wonderfully designed alien warriors who like to hunt humans for sport with a variety of spears, wrist blades and shoulder cannons. The Predators themselves were cool in 1987, and they are still pretty cool.

As a dumb, fun action flick, Predators gets the job done, I suppose. The fight scenes are engaging, the weapons are cool, and the explosions are appropriately big. But the movie is full of good ideas that either don't pay off or just end plain stupidly. Only two or three of the characters are even remotely interesting or memorable. The "mystery" about why the doctor is in the jungle is predictable and unnecessary - and actually makes no sense as presented. The characters continually do things that are really stupid - for example, pretty early on the gang finds out that the Predators can see their heat signatures. And they realize that if they cover themselves in mud, they can mask their heat signature, pretty much making themselves invisible to the alien hunters. But do they smother themselves in mud? Nope. They just kind of say, "oh, that's interesting" and then go about their merry way.

But there is still some fun to be had. Adrien Brody ("The Pianist"), who I initially thought was woefully miscast as a tough mercenary, is actually really good. He's appropriately badass and damn, is he cut. Brody has clearly been working out. A lot. And Alice Braga (I Am Legend) as the guilt-ridden sniper Isabelle, really brings a bit of humanity to accompany her toughness.

All in all, its not a great movie. Despite its best intentions and some great ideas, its a bit of a misfire. But it is certainly better than any other Predator movie since the original. If you need an old school action movie to watch, there are worse ways you can spend your afternoon.

MVP: This one is easy. Alice Braga. I don't know what it is, but the camera loves her in this movie. Braga has never really registered on my radar before, but I guess you give a girl a sniper rifle and I start paying attention! But she's more than just a dirt and blood covered pretty face; she actually gives the best performance in the movie. Though the role is a bit under-written, she actually manages to create a three-dimensional character, someone who got her old partner killed, who doesn't want to be a part of violence any more, who actually thinks before she acts, and who puts the group before anyone's petty interests. If Adrien Brody is the leader of the this ragtag group of killers, she's the heart and the conscience. It's a good performance. And wow, does she look cute running around with that sniper rifle.

TRIVIA: The original script called for cameos from the stars of the earlier Predator movies - Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Glover. Unfortunately, those scenes were cut out of the script. Which is a bummer, because that would have been pretty cool.

BEST LINE: Royce: "How do we kill them?" Noland: "However you can."